music choices of 2016

Albums

Telluric

I think this is my all time fav album of the year tbh. it was stunning any one who has not listened to this is stupid and have to do it now. it is super bluesy and super chill. its something you would hear in a sound track of your dreams. i could always go back to it when i do not know what to listen.

How would i describe it in one word?

Dreams

Song of the album

Sooth Lady Wine

"Awaken, my Love!"

I am very suprised about childishs change in music. like compared to his old stuff- this album is like he is another person. ut i always kinda knew he was like this? i kind o,f wished he pulled a snoop lion type of name change so fans c an dissasssosiate him with his oold brand you know? i was really into the abum when i first listened to it. album cover- yes. funk vibes- yes. i hoping funk music comes back as seen in Kendrick - to pimp a butterfly

How would i describe it in one word?

Funk!

Song of the album

Riot

Lemonade

Songs are good. I was never really a beyonce album fan but i was really imporessed. i didnt like her previous suprised album cause it just wasnt me. but lemonade was really impressive. i liked most songs. all making me sexy and empowered. 

How would i describe it in one word?

Voice

Song of the album

All night

Blond

VERY slow. not really arty vibes like his last album. i def listened to it again and again throughout this year. i remember first listening to it i fell asleep- not from boredom but relaxation. its one of those albums you listen at random and then there is one intimate part of a song that just absolutel captures you. and you have to keep repaying it.

How would i describe it in one word?

Finally!!

Song of the album

Self Control

life of pablo

Such a banger. much loved. it may be my fav album- but telluric and pablo defr a tie. its so fun. makes me dance. classic kanye and hate to say- but so creative and yeah i totally see that he is a genuis. he is so creative! i love it.

How would i describe it in one word?

Kanye

Song of the album

Father Stretch my Hands Pt. 1

waco
Def not one of my fav. it kinda comes inphases. like when i saw violent soho live i couldnt stop listening to it. and again when a song comes on the radio  feel compelled to listen to another song from the album. like ah this song reminds me of this song. or this song comes after that song i have to listen to it! but yeah. its fun, def alternative, head banger and screaming tunes.

How would i describe it in one word?

WoooOOOoOooOO!

Song of the album

Viceroy

untilited unmastered
Love. but anything kendrick i love haha! i am just so glad he came out with something else so quickly. I love how raw kendrick is. and hearing his process of making a song. his anger and passion makes me happy and its so dope! i love him!!!

How would i describe it in one word?

Beat

Song of the album

Untitles 08 90.06.2014

things I've stopped doing and I don't know why

these are just some things i realise that i do not do anymore

cooking/baking
well i have always actually liked cooking. i used to do it all the time durnig high school when my parents were out. its weird. i also really loved baking? i remember my dad telling me that he will one day open a bakery for me. i should bake again. its so calming- cooking /  baking. i guess it was kind of like meditation for me

walking
well there is a reason why i do not walk anymore.  1. moving house 2. owning a car
i used to walk to the station all the time.  i  never really understood why bobs wouldnt take my offer on a lift home when we arrive on fairfield station. now i do. but to be fair i am a female and he is male so he does not have that to worry about when walknig home at night.

drawing
i was so misreable going through my old potos at i really got somewhere and then i just stoppped. i feel like i lost my edge. im very upset about it. hopefully i get back to it

light incense 
yeah i had a phase. well this was a stupid phase where i would smoke and burn stuff. and i loved burning incense. i guess im in a candle phase but yeah :)

reading
i loved reading but it was cheesy teen novels


i  guess i can try and get back to this . doing these things.

whats in me bag

Simple bag for a simple-ton! Jokes, guest spot, it's me Will, I hate this bag. The following will be my impression of Maria:

My life is as messy as this pile, why can't I save money either? I'm a horder.

In this photo, you can see how clearly cultured I am. Yes, I'm  a rocker chick who went to Gizzfest but I also put a pen on top of it to make it look like it' just fell out like that! Nude was good, all dem Bobbie s. My lipstick colour is Daddy's Dicc by Mac.

tbh, i never thought this post idea was gonna be interesting but she really took it to the next level of boresville, follow my blog for a better time.

Drifting thru the halls w/ the sunrise

Celebrity guest spot!!!!!

It's Will.

Quote of the day: 

I noticed recently that our group goes to the beach a LOT. I love the beach. But I burnt my back the other day and idk, I'm still a bit sore about it TEEHEE ;D

I've been worried about my future lately too. I'm a little less worried now tho because I think I really wanna go into directing or editing music videos, but I have no idea how. Anyways, I'll figure it out I guess. If anyone has music and needs music videos, I think I can make something tasteful with zero budget. Nah, I KNOW I can.

I'm so excited to get an oozy tattoo with maria!! Fingers crossed it comes tru!!!!!! xD

I'm also v excited for Japan. I hope it doesn't interfere with any aftrs projects and I'm not uber stressed by it. 

I should finish Nature Boy.

Dear Nature Boy,

How do I end you?

Love,

Willbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezy!!!!! :P

Here's how maria blogs aye:

hi im maria i do not like grammar

what is love

is it something that

watch this video i like

Okay, well I hope you liked this post, comment and subscribe if u can tell me how it feels to be loved back, bye!!

frustrated

i have to blog 5 times this month and its already the 9th so fuc lol

i found this picture lmao wtf am i right?

i am in a very weird place right now. i have spent the past 2 weeks off 

at first i thought it was futile are just though hey i should really be working my money is going downn

but it has been a really reflective time for me and i feel as if my 2 choices are really slimming down

but i havent decided anything yet

this all my seem very ambiguous but i kinda jst want to talk

my head really hurts and i am trying to clear up my room

i am trying to find new ways to be happy

and deciding that i want to do next year

i def know i want to do something related to art

im not sure what yet but my body has been kicking into that direction

i get really frustrated with myself sometimes

cause i love myself

but really hate myself

like and i know the reason why i feel this way is cause i am sick

but it just feel so heavy

and i want to be proactive but i cant

i just wish i wasnt so sensitive?

i feel like if one thing goes wrong i combust 

its extremely frustrating 

anyways i keep trying to think of different things to do next year like hobby things

and i am thinking of trying to learn a different counties cuisine every month you know?

like curry and ramen around the winter times and pho and stuff

past during summer cause its cooler and that jazzz

but just things that i am trying to look forward to so i dont end up killing myself hahahahahahaha ..

but yeah i dont know im trying to find the passion and energy to do things but everything just feels so futile and frustrating

i just feel like i am backc to my old self and i dont know what to do

anyway i have been watching a lot of friends 

it is awesome 

i am going to get off of blogger now before i make myself more depressed

haha sorry for the horrid post but i am desperate to get up to 5 now haha

an answer

i have been contemplating whether or not to talk about this here but ive decided i will because i want to help people

i know the only people who really read this blog is the kik and they already know. so i might as well blog this! i have been diagnosed with anxiety and severe depression! 

which makes me smile and makes me so happy because i have been searching for answers for so long. it is a huge relief for me.

i remember i had a mental breakdown once. crying and rocking and just having a panic attack thinking WHATS WRONG WITH ME??? WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL THIS PAIN!?

and now i have answers and everyday- it hasnt been easier.. but now im mindful of my thoughts. 

and ever since i have started therapy my mind has expanded and eased. i have even started meditating whenever i get angry (which is often) 

the reason why i wanted to voice this is because someone told me that depression makes you a better person 

i was very very confused by that statement 

because for me. my depression was pain. it was whitenoise all over my body and the only relief was cutting myself and suicide (which i havent done, but was very close to)

and i got really upset and flustered by that statement. 

but as time progressed and the drugs started to kick in i really became more aware of myself. my inner demons. and the people around me. 

i am more able to hold peoples hand. and love them. its hard to explain but its like you would never want anyone to feel this pain and you just want to hold them until it goes away. 

i have also been more aware of what triggers the depression and anxiety.

so i kind of get the statement now. depression not only makes you a better person. but a different person. 

i mean if anyone reads this and has concerns please message me. i dont bite! if you have any concerns about yourself or someone else feel free to message me, i needed someone to help me and tell me that i needed help but no one really understood it (and its no ones fault)

so if i could slightly ease anyone else's pain/mind i would be happy to talk and be there for you

i mean my pain was really bad. every second of every day i wanted to take my life. i was always hoping a car would hit me. i wanted to press the acceleration at a red light. i couldnt eat. i couldnt sleep. i was paralysed in this dread and pain. legit i lost 5kg cause i would only have 1 meal a day. i would gag or want to vomit for no reason. i couldnt even enjoy music. i just drove in silence. 

so im here to help. 

im here  

no one deserves to ever. feel. this. way. 

i mean it makes sense now aye. all of my previous blog posts. and my mental breakdowns? it was the depression talking. not me. :) 

I FUKCINLOVE TIHS SONG SO MUCH

BRUNO MARS IS FKN SLAYING SO HARD WITH UPTOWN FUNK AND TRREASURE I LIKE AM SO IN LOVE WITH THIS RN

sure its kinda sexist-but holy shit everything about it and the sound oethnrsjthhtdx

fully sicc

on thing i realised about myself is that i am sick
like im dying
everyday i feel like just disappearing

i want to give up. can this pain go away
will it ever go away

im sorry i have been so depressing lately

to  everyone
i cant help it
i need to voice it
i am so miserable
i am sick- i am sick in the head
and i need help - i need mindfulness i just need to think hard
and long
about
what i want?

i dont know?
i feel like i dont know anything
i feel like i feel everything
my feelings are so confusing i just want to admit myself into hospital and sleep all day and all night and just sit there


just being sick
i dont care about the sun anymore
i dont care about the beach any more

i just want to feel sane again

alarm!!

its happening Again!

the anxiety! i dont know what to write to calm down but i know its here! i woke up at like 5:30 and i kept tossing and turning not being able to sleep

the stress is getting to me, i feel breathless

i feel this hotness on my shoulder

i feel sweaty

like i cant swallow!

its happening again!

i REALLY dont think teaching is for me then if my body goes into panic attacks whenever i wake up

i am having a really bad week

i feel like im gonna throw up!

writing this down is only making me feel worse so im gonna stop

do it for the uk

do it for the uk

do it for the degree

do it for mum and dad

for mum and dad

for me do it for me

it has been 4 years dont waste it!

everything is fine

you learn on the job

you are fine

everything is fine ok

you are smart

you are going to change lives

you CAN DO THIS

EVERYONG BELIEVES IN YOU!

thoughts

i need to catch up to blogging 3 times a week


i was re reading my diary- ignoring some extracts bcuz noty


and i finally realised that i do feel 21

i dont know whether or not its because i am surrounded by 14 15 16 17 18 year olds- but yet i am 21.
For a long time i felt like i was 18 or 19 but that was 3 years ago- and i am not the woman i was 3 years ago. no where near

prac has been interesting, its not even the first week yet and i am already tired asf

i am slowly making friends- it makes the experience easier

friends make everything easier.

i think i need to see a shrink- i am way too insecure with myself AND OMG MY SPOTIFY JUST PLAYED FOREVER BY CHRIS BROWN AND NOW I FEEL 14

Lets move on to general interests

songs im really into now are 

i have tried for so long to like this song but just COULDNT

but after seeing this video of this lady dancing for her husband on their wedding day i just thought that it was so cute and i find that chorus soooo catchy! 

IGNORE THE VIDEO PLS ITS REALLY DOUCHEY

i started to listen to xxyyxx around 2014? 2013? i remember not being able to see their gig and i was really into his sound cloud so i downloaded his albums and this song really caught me

after a few years ago i forgot about it and then i was looking up "consideration" by rihanna and SZA

and THEN i looked SZA up and one of her hit songs "childs play" w/ chance the rapper had "about you" as the backing! i was like damn i hate her version of it haha but i got back into it

i listened to the song during a really fragile time, i was crying and it just let everything out, i intensely cried and then i just lay there in my bed listening to it. i cant explain how i felt. it was like cathartic? yep. thatll be the word

after that it calmedddddd me down 

i put it on repeat and fell asleep around 2:40 is my fav part

legit you know that cry when you get crying hickups?

that part just shut me up and everything around me froze

i hope you guys all understand that feeling.

a few days later something happened and i was crying again

i went straight for this song.

its my calm down song

OK MOVING ON

a great series to watch is 

Model Mother Tongue 

its where gorgeous women speak in their language

these are my favourite - very well directed and edited

i felt like it was so successful because the women look so good and know how to use their bodies

ranked them from my fav

baby me like yuh

the australian on is not that great

OK! cool bye one- one last video

im not ready

the past three days i have been an unsafe driver

thursday - i was drunk
friday - my eyes were so swollen and full of tears i can barely see the road
saturday - not really, but kinda munted

so i googled how to get over a break up, and it said write 5 strengths that you have a 3 weaknesses

5. I am sentimental/ caring
4. I am good at making at talking to people/ I am bubbly
3. I am funny
2. I am good and understanding concepts
1. I am passionate


3. I am Lazy
2. I am very angry
1. I talk too much


the whole self love thing is really important to me right now

thanks kylie

reflection

so last night jessica garcia and sandy came over to my house so we can brain storm our assignment


as we were waiting for jess to come over sandy and i were talking about something and she just stared at me and im like what

and she said "you came a long way" and im like what???
and she told me "i changed for the better", i felt like i matured a bit, i dont know, like i grew up, and i am actually making mature choices rather than petty ones.

i dont want to actively hurt people anymore like the way they hurt me. i dont know if a part of me died inside or a part of me grew from my past experiences....

Im not sure, im still an angry person but im only going to voice that to people who want to turn my angry into reflection and let me feel that way you know? let it out i guess? break it down and let me think constructively

i dont know, but this last year has been insane for me. i made new life long friends, made large life decisions and i kinda sort of feel in control of my life.

my chest still feels heavy and sad but its churning, changing but i am ready

i dont know after sandy said that i felt like i saw myself outside of my own body, i am constantly anxious and self conscious about myself, about who i am, and having someone tell me that im growing - when i felt like i have been stuck this whole time - it really made me smile and be bashful

the same for jessica garcia, how she told me that nothing can match my bubbly personality, and how she hated hearing me/ seeing me upset. she told me when she first saw me she thought that i was smart and pretty and that she had to be friends with me.. she told me that i was lazy and that if i wasnt i had a lot of potential.. like fuck im always telling myself that i am dumb and ugly????


or how bobs said that he would miss me if he went to germany
and then while we were drunk and in a smoke room we just talked about one being in the uk and one in germany and we can visit each other and on the weekend travel!

and its real. like. in highschool it feel like it will never happen. but it finally feels real. that people out there actually like me, that people want to be around me and be with me

i am kinda sick of being, i dont know, the only word i can think of is a mum? like i am constantly thinking about everyone, what they are doing, and if they are making the right decisions, and i get upset when they get upset, like everything they do effects me and they dont even know it. do they even know how i am feeling? are they thinking about me? im sick of being a puppet, i hate feeling stupid and have to crawl to you for affection

what happened to self love?

i am sooo over hurting for other people who dont feel my hurt?

like if anyone thinks im selfish, i am not, i think i am finally putting my happiness first

just writing that felt so good

sitting here listening to frank ocean, slow, sad but warm

im sorry if i sound like a douche bag screw you cause you dont know how long this self hate and anxiety has effected my life

im finally taking control and using me to get what i want

I thought that I was dreaming
When you said you loved me
It started from nothing

-frank ocean - ivy - 

here are some cute photos

Fuck Priceline + VMAS

warning vma spoilers haha

I am so utterly broke right now i have been non-stop shopping at priceline since it opened up above dymocks. These are all my purchases from this month!! 

i got myself.. i mean i already have plenty of the cover girl mascara but i bulk buy them just in case cause they are sooooo good (for me at least)

i have like 3 all together which are unopened. The concealer as well cause they never have medium! but they finially did and it doesnt go off until you open it so WHY NOT??

and who doesnt need pads!? might as well get a free portable charger with it

i needed a proper eyelash curler and my friend showed me the eyeliner.. theyre so good more my eyes cause they old over- i got a fat one and a skinny one

the nyx liquid lipstick is soooo good- like its not too drying like other matte lipsticks so get on it you gguys!!!!

ok ill stop talking about priceline (and i gotta stop shopping there too :(  the sales are too good 2bTRU )

moving on i have 3 videos to watch 

VIDEO 1

I just like this song, the lyrics make me laugh

"I don't know why man's callin' me family all of a sudden

Like hmm, my mum don't know your mum

Stop telling man you're my cousin"

VIDEO 2

THIS IS THE BEST VIDEO EVER IT MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD

VIDEO 3

This video made ma so emotional i couldnt watch the whole thing cause i was at uni

casual black likes matter segway 

can we just talk about beyonce

her vmas performance was so fucking amazingggggg

I almost cried when she did this because shes so powerful with the black lives matter movement! and im thinking about all the daughters and sons dead because of police officers. I remember seeing a post of a young little black boy crying his little heart out because a police man pointed a gun at him. he was like 10? 11? 12??

no one fucking deserves that. just becaue he was black. just because he was a little too big for his age. its not fair..

i mean just look that this!!!

slay yes beyonce idk man i just respect her so much

now lets talk about rihanna

I kinda get annoyed when people dis her music... or any type of rnb and hip  hop music like panda or just desiigner in general... saying that their songs are hard to understand and that they dont mean anything..

well guess what.. the songs arent made for you???

people forget that rihanna is from trinidad and her WORK was for them.

its fun music

it doesnt mean anything

i mean have you heard her talk like thats what she sounds like haha

i love her snapchat

LOLOL

and i lovedddd loved loved her rude boy mix at the VMAs!

it was unbelievable

I loved the community on stage and how fun

everyone was just like AYYY OHH AYYE, and cheering and laughing  just having a fkn good time!!

but tbh i think rihanna is a horrid performer. shes not good live

but i love her as a person

she is sooo... unapologetic.. hahahahah

anyways another person i love Kanye

the rude boy perfromance by rihanna reminded me of kanyes all day performance with the people on stage

and his reaction to rihannas performance

he is so sweet and proudddd!!

ok last comment i think my overall favourite movie is top hat

i have cried a LOT this semester

and Sandy tagged me in this and it made me smile

Last day of winter

Can I just say it's about fucking time! Freedom feels so close

I should've known Spring was coming soon cause I got hayfever today haha lol

I wanted to make a quick post to catch up on my "blog 3 times a month" thing

I hope things change for me soon, health wise and so on

But fistly can we please talk about Justin Timberlake? He is such a talented artist and his older rnb type songs were sooooooooo bomb but I'm not feeling his music now

It's too poppy? No longer sexy? Idk

Let's talk about his "Like I love you" video clip. 

I mean dat crochet hat made by grandma and 711 shirt he wears outside of a 711?? Am I thinking it's ironic or was this the time where advertising was so obvious yet subliminal?

Idk I never really realised how big rnb was during these days! I was watching some Rihanna vids as well! 

She was like my hero I loved her in 2005 and 2006 (omg just typing that made me me feel weird!)

I forgot she sang "we ride" "SOS" and "if it's loving that you want"

Talking about banger my top 5 songs RN include-

You gotta be - des-ree

Pick up the phone - Young Thug

Come Down - Anderson Paak

Me Gustas Tu - Manu Chao

Saint Pablo - Kanye West

Can I just say one thing about Kanye west. I feel sorry for him. The whole Taylor swift VMA "beyonce should've won" speech fucked up his career

He always has been weird with his words but after that it messed up his career. I was watching an interview with amber rose and she said that after that stun people dropped him and he became increasing unpopular

And I'm pretty sure he didn't even know Taylor swift and he opened his mouth like um. 

It's his own fault but I think he didn't realised what mess would come after. Idk seeing him with Kim and the smiles he has you can tell that he lover heR idk!!!

I just love his album so and maybe cause he is black and America always shines a bad light on them and they just used his race IDK 

Anyways

Ummm GN! I have 4 more assignments to do!! Yay me!!!

blond

my thoughts on blond


top songs
- self control
-solo
-nights


i love it, its super chill and perfect for this time in my life. i love frankie and usually i get really disappointed with albums when they first come out with an artist that i like- but i actually fell for this - i mean it took me a while to warm up to lonerism, and to pimp a butterfly

i completely understand why it isnt some peoples cup of tea but i love it

its perfect for my lonely and stressed out nights, and i already find myself humming it

i would give it 8/10, but channelorange is a 10/10, not hthat his music aint as g - im still warming up to it

it def has a james blake presence



who is james blake?
he is an artist i really appreciate but i never really mention? i think the only person i have properly shown his music to is bobs?

well this is the first song i heard from james blake

hope youse like him

this is currently one of my fav songs

its full of asian boobs

24 August

HOW TO TEACH BOYS CREATIVE WRITING

• choose 2 character discriptions
• a place
• and object
• now write the first 3 sentences of this story 

ok now that i have on my blog and im gonna try to find it again when i teach, hello

i am maria chan and i am having a mental breakdown

ok not really, im trying to deal with it

frank ocean is making me real chill

its really frustrating when people come to me with their uni problems and advice when i am barely keeping my head above the water

I had a bit of an emotional break down last night, super duper crying and thank god andrew was there to pick up the pieces, it was so stupid

ive been angry- very very angry and i am unsure why. its like this stress is creating a monster
everything about my life and what is to come is overwhelming me

i just want everything to be over.

but i am also glad this is happening cause i am able to handle much more than i used to

in a way i am really glad that i am so busy because i am on my feet and it distracts me from the rest of the world

one thing i have noticed about myself is that i am must more blunt- straight to the point cause you know what? i dont hve the fucking time-



The first day i have off i am not going to be on my phone at alll seriously

on the plus side i got to habg out with eeh the other day, we went our for breakfast, we both wanted ristretto and co which is like yas qween

we then went to the city and got some glasses, we went into a strictly metal record store which was bizarre i didnt like it

then we went to parramatta, i showed him beatdisk recored (my new favourite store, i probs already spent $200 there) and then borrowed a book from dymocks, bought $32 eyeliner, sticky tape and yeah

it was good. we just talked about shows and music


it was like my first day off in ages

 ok i just needed to talk for a bit cause people are stressing me out right now but i feel all g now so :):))::):):)


I brought trees to blow through, but it's just me and no you
Stayed up 'til my phone died, smoking big, rolling solo

[Chorus]
It's hell on Earth and the city's on fire
Inhale, in hell there's heaven
There's a bull and a matador dueling in the sky
Inhale, in hell there's heaven