CrushCrushCrush

Now lets discuss crushes
bastards

I havent had a crush in a while and id be lying if i didnt say i had one now

well la-di-da its a dead end

now lets discuss the horribleness that takes place in having a crush

not that im obsessive..

ok maybe i DO get a bit obsessive

but then again doesnt everybody?

from what i remember from having a crush, and im pretty sure that many teenage girls have experienced this

you feel like everything you do, they see

every flaw

like i feel like once theyre on like msn or something you kinda want to  immediately talk to them

but you dont because you dont want to seem obsessive or whatever

just hoping theyll start the conversation

so instead you distract yourself

opening lets say, other tabs or going on sites constantly refreshing it to find something that will take your mind off them

but in the back of your mind you know you can just type "hi" and your stress will be all over

but then you think

oh god, am i annoying them?

and youre in this cycle of distraught until you realise that they are no longer online

depressed youre like

oh god why didnt i talk to them?

this goes on for so many days that eventually you two never talk anymore

and your relationship shatters

not really shatters

thats too dramatic

more wilt

like the rose on a summer day! 

then eventually you never ever talk anymore

and you regret so much

gah

then you think

what if someone was like that to you?

youre causally online

and someone on the other end is fretting about you?

that they say "hi" to you and you see it as nothing and you merely reply with a "hi"

and they took up so much courage just to do that

absorbing each little thing you say like a sponge, looking for signs if youre interested or not

and its like

it sounds so obsessive but its true

this is what emotions fucking do to us

ugh but ive had worse, much more stalkerish attributes to reveal

like facebook stalking!

considering everything they say as a sign that they may like you back

at one point

but i let it fucking slip

our convos shortened and he barely replied anymore

and every time his name would appear on my

...


"social network/messenger"

i would just stare at it

hoping he would talk to me

but he never does

sigh

oh what a world

why cant..

i just..

ugh

you know??


What if i did go to that outing with him? what if i talked to him? what if? what if? what fucking if??????

oh the single life

its fucking sucks.


man i finally got over him too

for some closure i deleted his number
our texts
our photos

i had to record the number of days that i DIDNT go on his facebook

i didnt think about him for what? a year? 2?

now it has come back

he was so cool

man

fuck

life sucks

seriously tho

there is no such thing as love

only obsession 

hohoho

hey yall

so lets talk about today

well i have yet to mention one of the best days of my life but anyways

went to apply for dymocks and got an abrupt interview
lets all hope i get the job man love love love books

and yeah jess and i had a pretty fun day

the day before snez and i went para which was also pretty fun cause i was meant to study

i also applied for this gaming store

and they had a card tournament and i asked how to play magic

and some nerdy asian bum bum was like "THATS NOT MAGIC AHHAHAHA"

and im like.. what a cunt

LOL fuck him he'll never get laid, he sounded so crude as well mannn

and yeah walk around went back to cabra and met with Danny and William

they ate ham and carrots and potatoes and drank some cola

it was nice

i took a nap while they were studying chemistry

that was about it

fun hanging out

yeah now lets get down to the nitty gritty

CHRISTMAS LIST!!!!!

• NOTHING BEATLES PLEASE, there is a high chance i already have it LOL
• NO WAIT I WOULD LOVE THE "HELP" movie tho, the beatles, but thats it
• pulp fiction poster
• BONSAI TREE LOL
• John lennon glasses
• heart shape sunglasses
• "cat eye" sunglasses found at sports girl, they also have another vintage looking one
• Band shirts (led zeppelin, pink f, jimi hendrix, the smiths, rage against the machine, the cure)
• ANYTHING TAME IMPALA
• velvet, just a shit load of velvet material
• etch-a-sketch (mini)
• 10TH DOCTOR ACTION FIGURE 
• va books, i love drawing
• tartan shirts, i dont care what colour, i just love em, BIG MUST BE BIG!!
• BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS ( i am a MASSIVE fan of penguin paper backs, orange books)

• the beautiful and damned 
• Catcher in the Rye 

•  a clockwork orange
• frankenstien
•  the hounds of baskervilles (sherlock <3)
• Jane Eyre
• Doctor Jekell and Mister Hyde
• nineteen eighty four
• ulysses
•  American psyco

•  to kill a mockingbird   

•  the perks of being a wallflower

•  wuthering heights  
• Slyvia Plath or Edgar Allen Poes collection of poerty <3 

yeah i suck an zstufffff

HOME

Home

The warm air envelops me as blissful smell of spring greets my senses. The school bells chime and I am hit with the feeling dread of knowing that only isolation is yet to come. 3:05. Home time.

Day by day my walks home have gradually slowed down meaning my happiness will be extended. Euphoria runs through my veins as I frolic, feeling the cool soft wind through my hair and hearing the clatter of my thick leather school shoes on the pavement. The freshly cutgrass, the fragrant roses, the splash of the sprinklers on my bare calves, I wish I could wander forever.

From a distance I hear the cry of children. My feet begin to swerve as I turn toward the park. Crunches of breaking sticks and crumbling leaves direct me to a series of youngsters, flying high on swings and dropping down on slides.

I sit, for a bit, on a splintered, graffiti infested chair all weary and black. A man catches my eye with his darling little girl decked in a red tartan dress and pigtails aged around 5.

She grins graciously as her father holds her tiny palms tightly. On a short stonewall he lifts her, telling her “spread your wings and fly!” If she were to fall he will be there. She reaches the end and with a jump, he catches her and holds her above his head. “I’m flying daddy!” she exclaims with a joyous laughter. Without a moment I zip home.

My hands shake and my chest have some sort of ache, feeling the anxiety raise I take short abrupt breaths to somehow calm down. Aimlessly walking I feel my throat turn into saw dust; somehow I am outside the door, my door.

Once I drop myself on the couch I freeze, remising about what I saw in a cycle of emotion, downing in envy, my wide eyes begin to sting but nothing happens.  I am paralysed in this plight of angst and anxiety, and I can’t even shed a tear.

Hours pass and I remain still until a jingle of keys snap me out of whatever I was in.

“Did you eat anything yet.” He scolds, not even a question in a tone nowhere near friendly. Not even a hello, not even hi.

“What the hell are you doing?” he continued in voice which stabs you in the heart a million times over, making you feel worthless “lazy girl, get changed! Why are you still in your uniform, goddammit you do nothing all day!”

His mutters and complaints are ongoing as I rush up the stairs and change into my pyjamas. Coming back downstairs in no time I stare into the dark silence “Dad?”

He left. He’s gone, like always, not even a goodbye.

Slowly I drift back into my cold mattress and I watch my ceiling. So alone. So numb. The horrible, neglectful, lonesome, loneliness concave my body like hard cold waves on the prickly, invasive sand.

A loud thump wakes me up, he is home, and the stale drench of alcohol fill my nose, as his loud heavy footsteps count each step, sounds of hesitation and confusion are outside my door. My heart races.

My door swings open and I quickly bury myself under the sheet, I revert back to my childhood, thinking of a monster trying to get to me but can’t reach me with this blanket on my head. But deep inside I know otherwise.

        My bed tilts as his radiating warmth is by my feet, I don’t react, I try and keep deep breathes although I’m almost shaking. His hand is on my foot and my heart races ten times faster, then I hear him slur.

“I'm sorry,” he mutters through drunken lips “I wish I can be a better father, but you don’t really get lessons do you? My beautiful little girl I’m sorry”

He shuffles and gives me a kiss on my head and head back to his room.

I cant help but smile and the tears come naturally. 

I wrote another short story

2 Worlds

Feeling her fingers intwine into mine sends me into a whirlpool of bliss. Her soft skin against mine, the feel of her lips, the curve of her smile, the gleam of her teeth are the only thing keeping me breathing, yet she leaves me breathless.

 Wrapped under our sheets i could stay here forever, in her warmth, our warmth. Eventually we have to leave, we have to eat, work, do something, but for now this is forever. I hate leaving, i hate leaving our world.

 The streets were cold and out stomaches empty, it was finally the time to leave our home in search for food. I hated being outside. It was dreadful. I would watch her and it killed me.

The solitary pale face, the detached gaze, balled fist and pursed lips. How i wanted to hold her and let her fingers melt into mine. But i would of only made her, them, angry. The air is cold, she is cold.

Home at last, it greets me with open arms and a kiss. She holds me and the heat is back. I rather starve then lose this woman, the woman i love.

She holds me tighter and her breath says sorry into my ear. Its Ok. I understand. My heart sinks and i try and hold her tighter.

Suffocating in affection we hold each other for that moment longer trying to forget, trying to be the only two people in the world.

She kisses me again, withdrawing from out embrace. Sliding her fingers across my palm she holds my hand to her face and kisses me once more, slipping on a ring.

"We can pretend" she says with a smile, i watch the ring on my left hand, second finger, for now we are the only people in the world, in each others worlds, our worlds. (hint they are lesbians) 

Holden Caulfield, has become an icon for teenage rebellion

So for the past few months or so i suppose i have been reading CATCHER IN THE RYE

i love the book dearly, i think it has to be my favourite, i never really had a favourite book but this is a winner

it is a saturday and the second last week of school has finished

it hasnt effected me i tell myself

or has it?

a twinge of teenage rebellion has hit me recently and i dont know why

is it the fact ive been good at school and i feel like its time to change that?

is it Holden Caulfield because i now want to model my life after him

Everything he says i feel like i understand, his conversation with sally, saying all those things about leaving
and that he truly meant it

i understand dearly

i tend to say things to people with optimism and they look at me kinda funny and i realise what i just said is extremely unrealistic and so i say jokes

And when he keeps mentioning he is so very lonesome and he just wants someone to talk to oh how i understand and when they dont listen and call him immature! i just understand so dearly!

when he talks about Allie and James Castle it breaks my heart

it was a fantastic book

So anyways lets talk about my rebellion

On Sunday a mate of mine sister got married and a number of mates went to the wedding

it sounded smashing and i was jelly

i wanted to party

i felt so locked and isolated while i sat in my bed
so lonesome

so i just realised that i wanted out of this boring mundane life

so started wearing my clothes different and wearing the wrong shoes at school
i know that isnt "badass" or anything but i kinda wanted to be told off

so anyway it was a tuesday and i DID NOT want to go home

i know that i would just sit there and do nothing but stare blankly at my fucking laptop and wasting my life away i wanted to be a little wild, rebel

i said FUCK THIS

and decided to hang wit tha boiz

Danny, Eeh, DOOF and i walked to canley hoping to go skate boarding but the dilemma is

we didnt have a skateboard so we were talking about what we should do

soon we realised we were right beside a liquor store

so we went to eeeeeees house so he could get dressed

hung out a bit

then off we went

we didnt know where to drink but we were

i guess

kinda desperate

someone had a lovely idea and we went to davids house

at his house we had a nice drink and sorta partied

it was really fun, snez stopped by it was great

and so i went home

my dad was PISSED cause i forgot my phone that day and i claimed i was locked out

i could tell he was waiting until my mother got home to tell me off

when she  did he was bitching about me to her and she said

cause i planned myself

that i called her, well tried to, through a friends phone

and thats enough trust from her

so i completely got away with everything

that was such a fun day

Thursday came along and i was dreading to go to maths

luckily the counsellor wanted to see me!

YAY I WAS FREE for a period

then after our session i was going back to class but saw trinhity at the corner of my eye

RUTHLESS i exclaimed as we began to chat

i sat there for about 5 more minutes until Michael and Fadi appeared and stroke up a conversation

they persuaded me not to go and so i spent a whole period not in maths
one of the best decisions of my life

the same thing happened the week before

i was off at counsellor

(wait let me just tell you about how much of a bitch my stupid fucking art teacher is, the counsellor called me up during her class twice and she was like "YOU CHOOSE THE SESSIONS DONT YOU" fucking bitch i fucking didnt. cunt. anyways she was like "so you seeing the counsellor?" and yeah i was like yeah and she was like "You feeling a bit stressed?" and wasnt gonna answer that nosey bitch so i just nodded and she was like "WELL THATS LIFE" fucking bitch cunt man she doesnt even know the real fucking reason just ugh i wanna slap her so nosy ok back to the rebellion story)

and while i was walking back to class Claudia, Molica and Jenny were sitting there like mermaids

calling me with their song

and letting me drown in rebellion

but i did eventually go to class

that is all i suppose

it twas a nice week

i think school ending is hitting my now

how upsetting

You're Not the First Person Who was Ever Confused and Frightened and Even Sickened by Human Behaviour -Mr Antolini From Catcher In The Rye

So i wrote a short story

Motel

We get those kinds a lot; he was ashamed I could tell. He faked his name, you can always tell when people fake it cause they give you a long pause before they tell you their “name”. And boy, did he pause.

I worked mostly night shifts there at the motel, it wasn’t bad I mean you get some odd faces here and there but it’s not bad, not at all. Its actually pretty fun, watching married men with girls young enough to be their daughters, the freaks really do come out at night.

But anyways there was this man, Benedict Cumberbatch he claimed his name was. British actor? I asked, boy he nearly shat himself when I said that. Boy was he startled. He nodded very anxious; he seemed on edge, he must have been really ashamed. 

He held only this one brief case, it didn’t seem full. He was kinda handsome, dashing almost, grey hair, strong jaw, he was attractive I’ll give him that. 

I assigned him the last vacancy left, which meant I was off the job for a while, luckily the last room, his room, was right across the staffs room. I don’t know I guess I was kinda bored, intrigued almost, I mean he was kinda suspicious, how could you not? I mean he left the curtains open and everything. 

I was about 10 minutes in from when he entered the room, curtains opened and everything, as if he was suspecting an audience. He seemed less tense sitting on the mattress, he positioned this long mirror at an angle to his bed, I could see almost everything. He definitely was putting on a show.

He looked so different from the counter, so relaxed, serine almost. Casually pulling off his clothes he stood before me, well about 20 meters away guarded by 2 windows, he stood before me in only his boxers. His body was alright, not bad but not great, pretty good legs I’ll give him that. 

The brief case was on the bed, opened wide, you wouldn’t believe it but he brought out all these women’s clothes. Real womens clothes, he pulled out a black lacy bra and slipped it on, to tell you the truth I felt kinda disgusted, boy did I feel awkward but I couldn’t look away.

After a moment he brought out these silky stockings, rolling it on to himself in front of the mirror, muttering to himself, giving himself flirty kisses to the mirror. It wasn’t even funny, it was kinda sad. 

He paraded in the bra and stockings then slipped on this really tight black dress. He paused at himself in the mirror, he looked… happy. He looked even happier when he pulled out a wig. My eyebrows sky rocketed; my eyes were glued on him as he brushed it slightly and flipped on the long brunette wig. Things got a bit weird from there, putting on these large white pumps and threw on a hot pink scarf, beginning to pack on layers of make-up.

He watched himself, all finished, he watched himself. He looked like he as in a trance, he pulled the mirror in and kissed himself.

But at that point, I didn’t feel weird anymore, I felt, kinda, I don’t know, happy for the guy. He seemed so much more comfortable now than when he was at the counter, then when he sat on the bed, from when he put on the.. bra.  I know it’s a bit weird, but I felt happy too, I don’t know, boy if you saw the guy in that outfit, all confident, clopping away in those heels, that wig, you would feel happy too. 

In a way, it was kinda like, that was him, the real him. I guess he kinda wanted an audience, someone to see who he really is, and honestly I was glad to see it. Boy did he look happy. 

The next day when he checked out he was the man again, he seemed sad, lost almost. I felt sorry for the guy. But yeah, the jobs not bad, we get those types around here a lot, it’s not bad, It’s not bad at all.

USYD

WOAH! i almost forgot to tell you guys about YYYEEESSTTEERRRDDAAYYY


a kick ass a day with only mai and emily

it was sweet having an outing with 3 people

a group is so rowdy and a hassle

long time since ive been out with only girls

anywhore

we woke up got to the train station

CABRA station unlike every other time when i have to go fucking canley

yeah we all saw each other

got some lovely tickets and stopped by gloria jeans!

got some lovely pastry like REAL CLASSY WOMEN! fun fun fun

soon after we almost missed our train! did not realise until now

on the train we had a short talk, i forgot about what

i think about fanfiction haha LOL

We got to redfern and then USYD!!!

first thing we did

got free bags LOL

we walked around a bit

got some freebees

Then we saw a mini theatre kinda thing

it was an amazing band called "Push/Pull"

soon they had a theatre sport kinda thing

improvisation game

It was funnnnyyy!! we explored a museum
walked around
got FREE food!


met a very sexy
very english
English man doing his phD in CHEMISTRY
he was so fittttt

he was like blonde
and had dimples
and a shrubble kinda thing

he had chest hair tooooooooo~~~~~


we walked away and melted at his cuteness
soon we sat on the grass and spotted another sexy sex face

awesome outfit, blue hoodie with matching shoes and that sexy ankle bracelet

he was there with his mum how cute!

i draw part of a building



 AS SHOWN THERE! WHICH I CANT PROPERLY MOVE

but yeah as i drew it at first it looked like a penis then i decorated it

and mai was like "you decorated it"

and emily was like "I THOUGHT YOU SAID DICKCORATED"

HAHHAHAHA how funny!!

we went to see the second session of theatre sports and it was heaps funnier!

One was like "justin whatevers musical"

and one guy entered and was like "IM USHER!"

i wanted to die so funny

soon after another group went up and it was set in paris

and the guy stood there saying stuff waiting for another to come into the act

and no one would

and he was like "im so lonely, i WISH someone could help me out, throw me a bone, anyone please walk past"

ahahha so funny!

soon after the other guys came and they were like

"This is the tower, the tower, tower, THE EIFFEL TOWER"

SO FUNNY!

soon after we left to meet up with the others in pitt street to buy formal clothes

and

oh

my

god

BUSKERS

So talented and attractive awesome fucking day

thats all i can say

hahahah that rhymed 

anyways thats all im bothered to write

SI RO NA RA

oh also um i am inlove with a guy who is a busker something something fuck i am such an awkward person bye

Today

i dont know why i feel sad sometimes but i just do

i notice the only times i want to write on this blog is when i am sad

but today was fun

i had a nice day

it was lovely

one of those teenage experiences ive always wanted to explore

So i finally finished my art exam

finished my drama trials

and so my lovely drama group decided  to go eat thai

it was lovely, tasted great, good service

the people were so sweet so anyway we wanted to celebrate the end of trials

and throughout the  day i kept asking

is anyone 18?

turns out e decided to join us

so from then on we just hung out in cabra, i wearing boots, fishnets and a slap full of lipstick

ahah

and then well we went to Jennys house

from there we began to do some essays and multiple choice

i did 2 essays and only a few multiple choice

i hate multiple choice its not nice

and after 2 essays i began to get a little light headed and yeah

slurred my words

felt dizzy

and my mum picked my up

and from then i just felt

like a teenager

thats odd isnt it

i am just finally happy

and its about to end

this sucks

yeah

im sad

the separation trial

well i have been studying for trials

bleh

and i think its the time of the month again!

because

i

am

feeling

rubbish

HAZZZAAAA!

im feeling lonely again

lonely and isolated

detached from the world

i feel like im breathing but im breathless

there is this tightness in my chest which knots me into a deeper more upset state of mind


dear god i hate myself

i tell myself its just a phase and i'll know itll past but why not vent

do you ever just
have this kinda moment

in your day

week

month

life

where you just want to block out the world

its like i just put on my earphones

chose a song with a slow rhythm and lyrics that is supposed to mean something but you're too sad to notice?

put it on full volume that even other people can hear from those tiny beads in your ear?

and the music just takes you far away, more like blinds you

deafens you from thinking

its way of telling you the world is ok

i dont know

thats how i feel

i wrap myself in blankets

sometimes even sit in a tiny wardrobe having clothes cascade me and im blind, touch of the fabric are my only sight

and i feel like im far away

not here

anywhere but here and i feel fine, i vent i let myself fall venerable for that one moment

then back to reality

its like it never happened

back to a smile and jolly old me

but inside im still sad

its still ties my down andd sinks me

i guess im just good at hiding it

woah

i wrote this whole blog post about how lonely i am how much i feel like i am a fucked up person no one understands but yeah im not posting it ahahhaha what am i doing with my life lol

Baby its cold outside

well i havent posted in a while
and im in the mood today so LEGO!

it is currently the holidays and i have not started studying at all and i am fucked
the past two days i was at the snows which was pretty kick ass

the sled is so fun but i suck at it
a large amount of snow its  my face and it is freezing
yet so surprisingly hot!

i swear i was wearing layers like a maniac!
i had a singlet, 2 long sleeve shirts, jumper kinda thing then a denim top not to mention a massive snow jacket type thing and i was cold (in the morning)

THEN WE GOT TO THE SNOWS, EVERYTHING WAS REMOVED
all i wore was a singlet and the snow jacket

it was so hot trying to go up hill to sled
i swear bring gloves!
gloves are essential
if you dont have it you wont have fun AT ALL

its horrible the snow it painfully cold
it feels like frost bite

i suck at sledding and every time i am down my face is covered in snow and its just omfg pain pain pain

but icicles go in my hair and it looks kinda awesome

the worst part was the drive

so bad

bad

bad

like 6 hours in a car and i get car sick

but to keep my company i was on my phone for a long time

to INNUENDIS BOOTIES KIKIKIKIK

lmao!!

can i just say (if you guys are reading this which i bet you wont) you guys kick ass ahahahah

i dont have anything else to say about the snow i guess thats all it was :\

wwhattt elseee has been going on in my life??

snezanas birthday was EPIC

and OH YEA

this was a while back but the sex (drama group)

were rehearsing and thinking up roles 

then we got hungry

then we went to cookshill

then the best thing ever

WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING

WE HAVE TO DO IT AGAAIINNN

well yeah thats my life in a nutshell so far

----disturbing info------

one more success, got my period....

havent had it in 3 months which freaked me out

i mean ive been menstruating for 5 years now and its still irregular

i told my family friend about it and she said i must still be growing

WOOO I MIGHT GET TALLER

and i was telling her about how insecure i was about my thighs

and she was like but you have a nice ass

i am a little more confidant now

ok enough about my female body

and uh

---disturbing info over-------

yeah 

KIK is cool and stuff and we just skype and shit

OK IVE GOT SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT

my top 3 song list that are on repeat!

1. AMORE AMORE - ANDY RUSSELL 

2. SON OF A PREACHER MAN - DUSTY SPRINGFIELD

3. LETS STAY TOGETHER - AL GREEN

listen to them!

they are nowhere near rocky
they are more 50's vibe

very retro yeah ahahah i listen to epic songs dont i??

i was also listen to my phone in repeat

and one pick up line kinda thing would work for me

if a guys was hanging out by a record player and i got up and asked for his name
and if he replies "That dont matter cause its all the same"
and i say "can i take you home, were we can be alone?"

then we both smile and sing "I LOVE ROCK N ROLL" by Joan Jett

love that song i swear i am never gonna meet someone like that but its nice enough to dream isnt it?
oh and if you think its slutty for me to say "can i take you home..alone" its the lyrics of the song
LOL just saying good song good song :)

a cute date would be to go karaoke, first song i would wanna sing is "baby its cold outside"such a cute song i swear my future man (or woman whatever you never know) i would sing everything our life would be a really weird musical lol i am so long ahhaha what am i typing i cant stop typing i wonder hoe long ill keep this up, i man listening to baby its cold outside right now, what song would youlose your virginity to? i would go for lets stay together (the song i suggested) man i just i cant even luke is such a babe i was to makeout with him and touch him inappropriately hes so hot, my dream guy (looks wise i dont know what his personality is like but he seems pretty cool due to facebook stalking but yeah he seems funny and sexy and omfg knee high boots, i just had an orgasm and that white shirt and it was lifted up for a second i almost dies i was giggling like crazy and he has a beard and i love hairy chest is that weird? its so manly and not many guys are able too but omfg luke i just i cant even his  voice and his face and his body i love skinny guys not skinny skinny but like average if you know what i mean i dont like muscly guys i lie sid from skins body its pretty sweet omfg and luke is tall, luke luke luke i just was to lick his gorgeous face let me love you have my body right now, now, now ahahha sexy sexy anyway i should close bracket now, wow that took a long time lol anyway bye) i like brunettes blondes are not for me but i dont mind

i saw a cute guy at maccas, a lot actually like 4 great options
this one guy omfg stripped jumper and TALL AS FUCK
great back, great ass, great face,  i mean his face was just amazing

anyway enough of the ovary bursting

now for my quote...

I Put the Laughter in Manslaughter

historiography

So i had me history excursion thingy today

it was nice

i met bruce dennent the writer of our text book

he looked like such a bright man, i think i love him
i wanted to talk to him afterwards but i was afraid i sounded stupid :(

i wanted to ask him so many questions
and he says he isnt a hater of America, but you know they are well bleh

and im like I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!

and he kept taking my scarf which was funny

and well he is going to our school soon to give a lecture on WW1

and i am going to wear my scarf so i hope he remembers me hehehe

but yeahhh......

oh and also the american lecturer was pretty foxy

i have to admit i was attracted to him :$

the worst part of the day was my fuckin shoes, i am never ever wearing those shoes ever again, it was hell, it was raining and i felt like ugh it was just not nice

not nice at all

i was about to go central with the lovely emilee, wynee and angela

But i decided not to go because my feet were giving me hell and i was just in so much pain and misery i am so sorry feet but yea

that ment i met

well not really meet

more like stared at from a distant until he felt uncomfortable

and i knew he knew i was staring at him

this guy looked like ANDREW GARFIELD OMFG I WAS LIKE OMFG

he was so sexy for fuck sake i was inlove omfg sexualness GAH!

anyway so i decided to go home

and on the train i sat with eric, andrew, emily and Danny

we had interesting conversations and well apparently they wanted to eat so yeah

i went with them and i begged Emily to join me and she did

MWHAHAHAH i wasnt the only vagina there
but Danny left and Wilson, Jimmy, Eeh, Hyvhen joined

so all together it was Wilson, Jimmy, Eric, Eeh, Hyvhen, Emily, Andrew and me

we went to an Asian place and i had crispy noodle and i bought some sexy socks and i was in the toilet like changing omfg

didnt really help but kinda did

i also had coffee yum yum


it was really thick and sweet tho :/

um yeah then em and i were talking with the boys and the convo slowly twisted into the battle of the sexes and how the other is more confusing

but yeah we just talked about how fucked up girls were
and yeah

uyeah
yeahy eah

that was fun

then i left

yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah

oh and we raised the question

it a girl with massive tits wears a singlet

how come they get offended with we look at them

i mean its obvious that you want us to look at them

i mean i personally when i see fantastic tits popping out of shirts

i have to say "your tits look amazing!"

i like really want to touch them and stuff, what can i say?

its right there and all and looks nice and yeah

yeah
yeah
yeah

yeah




ok goodbye



Can you see what you've done to my heart, and soul? It's such a wasteland now.


Interpol

Johnlock

John’s still standing there in the doorway, and for a long, time-less second, Mr. Holmes side-steps mere micrometers away from John. Every hair on John’s body stands to attention at the feel of his body heat so very close. John’s eyelids can’t help but flutter.

But Mr. Holmes swans off, seemingly not noticing. He grabs Watson’s exam from his desk, and idly flourishes it towards John.

John  reaches out, tentatively, and takes it. For the barest instant, their index fingers brush. John feels as if he’s been shocked, withdrawing his hands quickly to fidget in his button-up and school jumper. Mr. Holmes smirks, a little, before sitting at the edge of his desk.

Mr. Holmes is in his usual suit, and the long lean legs of his trousers are stretched out in front of him, crossed at the ankle. John feels like they go on forever, up and up and up.

--------

Isnt gay fan fiction amazing?

Well i didnt write that but its just so hegdjnvbehidjnvueirgfnsdjkcuinregjfkdv

i swear to god i have been reading too much gay erotica

too much Johnlock

but i cant help it

its so fascinating!!!!! 

so amazing

I love the ones which are kinda so

i dont know

emotional

i just 

makes me so nvrugcfghjvjlibve like giggly and stuff!

i just- i cant- its just so beautiful

like i see homosexuality in a whole different light right now

not like i was a homophobe or anything

but its making me re-consider my sexuality     


i mean can i just say they make anal so appealing AHAHHAHAHAH


i mean yeah just yeah its just


i never understood anal before, like 
its just taking a shit backwards


but after reading fan fiction.... erotica i just


its not sex to them


its making love


i just why am i talking about this?


who cares no one reads this


ill probably read this in like a year and be like 


what were you thinking maria


ahahhahaha but yeah ever since fan fiction i have to admit ive been writing my own (embarrassing i know)


but yeah ever since fan fiction and the minor character (starring david tennant) 
ive been wanting to write


and i this is me over the past few weeks