Now lets discuss crushes

I havent had a crush in a while and id be lying if i didnt say i had one now

well la-di-da its a dead end

now lets discuss the horribleness that takes place in having a crush

not that im obsessive..

ok maybe i DO get a bit obsessive

but then again doesnt everybody?

from what i remember from having a crush, and im pretty sure that many teenage girls have experienced this

you feel like everything you do, they see

every flaw

like i feel like once theyre on like msn or something you kinda want to  immediately talk to them

but you dont because you dont want to seem obsessive or whatever

just hoping theyll start the conversation

so instead you distract yourself

opening lets say, other tabs or going on sites constantly refreshing it to find something that will take your mind off them

but in the back of your mind you know you can just type "hi" and your stress will be all over

but then you think

oh god, am i annoying them?

and youre in this cycle of distraught until you realise that they are no longer online

depressed youre like

oh god why didnt i talk to them?

this goes on for so many days that eventually you two never talk anymore

and your relationship shatters

not really shatters

thats too dramatic

more wilt

like the rose on a summer day! 

then eventually you never ever talk anymore

and you regret so much


then you think

what if someone was like that to you?

youre causally online

and someone on the other end is fretting about you?

that they say "hi" to you and you see it as nothing and you merely reply with a "hi"

and they took up so much courage just to do that

absorbing each little thing you say like a sponge, looking for signs if youre interested or not

and its like

it sounds so obsessive but its true

this is what emotions fucking do to us

ugh but ive had worse, much more stalkerish attributes to reveal

like facebook stalking!

considering everything they say as a sign that they may like you back

at one point

but i let it fucking slip

our convos shortened and he barely replied anymore

and every time his name would appear on my


"social network/messenger"

i would just stare at it

hoping he would talk to me

but he never does


oh what a world

why cant..

i just..


you know??

What if i did go to that outing with him? what if i talked to him? what if? what if? what fucking if??????

oh the single life

its fucking sucks.

man i finally got over him too

for some closure i deleted his number
our texts
our photos

i had to record the number of days that i DIDNT go on his facebook

i didnt think about him for what? a year? 2?

now it has come back

he was so cool



life sucks

seriously tho

there is no such thing as love

only obsession