and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something
oops
SEE I HAVE ALREADY FAILED BLOGGING 3 TIMES A MONTH JESUS
did mean to make that sentence caps but too lazy to rewrite
hellow blogger readers. how has the second month of the year been?
been a weird one for me.
some important things have happened in the last 18 days.
1. laptop broke, i have been wondering why i have been so CEEBS for work recently. not wanting to do anything or create anything
and i am beginning to realise it is because i dont have a fucking laptop. i am very frustrated by the fact that i dont have a device where i can type or edit documents or mark rolls or just whatsapp my friends while i do something else
sure i have my imac but its too bloody big
sure i have my ipad but its too restricted
sure i have my work laptop but its too bloody smallAND its a PCgross!
I chucked a sickie today cause i was feeling off yesterday but now i feel kinda ok
sweaty and lethargic but ok
2. I was intermittent fasting. emphasise on the WAS. sadly i broke the fast on saturday because andrew and i went on an eating frenzy. I was meant to get back on track on monday (which i did) but it broke again today because my mum made me a coffee in the morning which was a mistake.
a. it had milk in it
b. she probs put a lot of sugar in it
c. it hurt my sore throat
the sugar in the coffee started to ware off and then i ate3 whole fucking ferrors roches (or however they are spelt)
i felt really shit for a while and the sugar/junk food craving started to poke me a lil again.
Uber eats gave me a deal of free delivery - and i was this close to ordering ubereats (ZEUS greekfood to be exact) and the $$30 price tag didnt have stopped me (wrap $18 and +9 to put in meal), the "eating out only twice a week" didnt stop me. It was opening coupons that stated "buy 2 wraps for 1" that stopped me. cause i thought - why order the food now when i can go with andrew and eat a cheap meal together.
idk is that lame. i had party pies instead. After i ate the pies i was like hmm i dont want the food anymore, no matter how much i wanted to convince myself that i really needed the food to stop my craving. cause sometimes youre hungry just because youre bored. i was like no im not bored i NEED THIS MEAL. turns out i didnt which is good. Next time i am craving something i know i have the wilpower to do so.
A lot of my co workers are worried about my fasting - but i am not. back when i was anxious it was terrible, but now that i know it is controlled i feel good. I think the major mistake i was making was that i ate too little. I recently ate a salad at my work and it was good! only $6 so during lunch i wanna eat a salad as my first meal - so my co workers dont get worries, i get my veggies and itll stop major cravings aferschool - i also wanna work on my sleeping pattern
on the plus side i have been walking peanut everyday
3. I have not touched my bullet journal. something had been out of wack with me recently and like i said my care for work has plummeted and my care for bujo has too. teaching is so much easier the second year I can feel myself getting lazy. I dont have a DRIVE an adrenaline to want to be the best
i just dont care
my mental health has been ok, ever since i started fasting i hate myself less. At one point i got really upset i wrote fat on my belly and ugly and cried for a long time. Then i cleaned it off and went ot bed. Not hat i am fasting, eating healthier and walking peanut more i feel a lil more sane, a lot less depressed,
i think that is all i wanna say WAIT
4. my grandma is back! yay!
more food and cleaner house, hopefully i will be more motivated to be the best me
love maria
did mean to make that sentence caps but too lazy to rewrite
hellow blogger readers. how has the second month of the year been?
been a weird one for me.
some important things have happened in the last 18 days.
1. laptop broke, i have been wondering why i have been so CEEBS for work recently. not wanting to do anything or create anything
and i am beginning to realise it is because i dont have a fucking laptop. i am very frustrated by the fact that i dont have a device where i can type or edit documents or mark rolls or just whatsapp my friends while i do something else
sure i have my imac but its too bloody big
sure i have my ipad but its too restricted
sure i have my work laptop but its too bloody smallAND its a PCgross!
I chucked a sickie today cause i was feeling off yesterday but now i feel kinda ok
sweaty and lethargic but ok
2. I was intermittent fasting. emphasise on the WAS. sadly i broke the fast on saturday because andrew and i went on an eating frenzy. I was meant to get back on track on monday (which i did) but it broke again today because my mum made me a coffee in the morning which was a mistake.
a. it had milk in it
b. she probs put a lot of sugar in it
c. it hurt my sore throat
the sugar in the coffee started to ware off and then i ate3 whole fucking ferrors roches (or however they are spelt)
i felt really shit for a while and the sugar/junk food craving started to poke me a lil again.
Uber eats gave me a deal of free delivery - and i was this close to ordering ubereats (ZEUS greekfood to be exact) and the $$30 price tag didnt have stopped me (wrap $18 and +9 to put in meal), the "eating out only twice a week" didnt stop me. It was opening coupons that stated "buy 2 wraps for 1" that stopped me. cause i thought - why order the food now when i can go with andrew and eat a cheap meal together.
idk is that lame. i had party pies instead. After i ate the pies i was like hmm i dont want the food anymore, no matter how much i wanted to convince myself that i really needed the food to stop my craving. cause sometimes youre hungry just because youre bored. i was like no im not bored i NEED THIS MEAL. turns out i didnt which is good. Next time i am craving something i know i have the wilpower to do so.
A lot of my co workers are worried about my fasting - but i am not. back when i was anxious it was terrible, but now that i know it is controlled i feel good. I think the major mistake i was making was that i ate too little. I recently ate a salad at my work and it was good! only $6 so during lunch i wanna eat a salad as my first meal - so my co workers dont get worries, i get my veggies and itll stop major cravings aferschool - i also wanna work on my sleeping pattern
on the plus side i have been walking peanut everyday
3. I have not touched my bullet journal. something had been out of wack with me recently and like i said my care for work has plummeted and my care for bujo has too. teaching is so much easier the second year I can feel myself getting lazy. I dont have a DRIVE an adrenaline to want to be the best
i just dont care
my mental health has been ok, ever since i started fasting i hate myself less. At one point i got really upset i wrote fat on my belly and ugly and cried for a long time. Then i cleaned it off and went ot bed. Not hat i am fasting, eating healthier and walking peanut more i feel a lil more sane, a lot less depressed,
i think that is all i wanna say WAIT
4. my grandma is back! yay!
more food and cleaner house, hopefully i will be more motivated to be the best me
love maria
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