bastards
I havent had a crush in a while and id be lying if i didnt say i had one now
well la-di-da its a dead end
now lets discuss the horribleness that takes place in having a crush
not that im obsessive..
ok maybe i DO get a bit obsessive
but then again doesnt everybody?
from what i remember from having a crush, and im pretty sure that many teenage girls have experienced this
you feel like everything you do, they see
every flaw
like i feel like once theyre on like msn or something you kinda want to immediately talk to them
but you dont because you dont want to seem obsessive or whatever
just hoping theyll start the conversation
so instead you distract yourself
opening lets say, other tabs or going on sites constantly refreshing it to find something that will take your mind off them
but in the back of your mind you know you can just type "hi" and your stress will be all over
but then you think
oh god, am i annoying them?
and youre in this cycle of distraught until you realise that they are no longer online
depressed youre like
oh god why didnt i talk to them?
this goes on for so many days that eventually you two never talk anymore
and your relationship shatters
not really shatters
thats too dramatic
more wilt
then eventually you never ever talk anymore
and you regret so much
gah
then you think
what if someone was like that to you?
youre causally online
and someone on the other end is fretting about you?
that they say "hi" to you and you see it as nothing and you merely reply with a "hi"
and they took up so much courage just to do that
absorbing each little thing you say like a sponge, looking for signs if youre interested or not
and its like
it sounds so obsessive but its true
this is what emotions fucking do to us
ugh but ive had worse, much more stalkerish attributes to reveal
like facebook stalking!
considering everything they say as a sign that they may like you back
at one point
but i let it fucking slip
our convos shortened and he barely replied anymore
and every time his name would appear on my
...
"social network/messenger"
i would just stare at it
hoping he would talk to me
but he never does
sigh
oh what a world
why cant..
i just..
ugh
you know??
What if i did go to that outing with him? what if i talked to him? what if? what if? what fucking if??????
oh the single life
its fucking sucks.
man i finally got over him too
for some closure i deleted his number
our texts
our photos
i had to record the number of days that i DIDNT go on his facebook
i didnt think about him for what? a year? 2?
now it has come back
he was so cool
man
fuck
life sucks
seriously tho
there is no such thing as love
only obsession