crying

i love music 

i was thinking about how much i loved it

then i started to listen to songs that i listened over 5 years ago (wow!!!) 

i was listening to the last shadow puppets and somehow got to lianne la havas 

and all i remember from this song is crying

i remember i was really emotional and i was listening to her album and this song came on and i burst into tears, i put the song on repeat until i cried myself dry


now this songs reminds me of how i feel when i finish crying

that intense release of feeling

the stillness

the emptiness inside of you. like everything inside you was poured out and you are now a shell, waiting to be refilled

its very comforting 


i love crying

some thoughts

i told bobs this

and it made me so emotional just thinking about it

i love making up scenarios in my head about what i would do if i could turn back time and how i would live my life back then

i always thought about going back to year 12 and choosing a different career path, maybe working a little harder on my art hsc

and then it hit me, if i were to change anything in my life before the past year i wouldnt have peanut

and that just cannot be!

i guess my life was shaped the way it was so that peanut would fall into my hands

thats all