the separation trial

well i have been studying for trials


and i think its the time of the month again!







im feeling lonely again

lonely and isolated

detached from the world

i feel like im breathing but im breathless

there is this tightness in my chest which knots me into a deeper more upset state of mind

dear god i hate myself

i tell myself its just a phase and i'll know itll past but why not vent

do you ever just
have this kinda moment

in your day




where you just want to block out the world

its like i just put on my earphones

chose a song with a slow rhythm and lyrics that is supposed to mean something but you're too sad to notice?

put it on full volume that even other people can hear from those tiny beads in your ear?

and the music just takes you far away, more like blinds you

deafens you from thinking

its way of telling you the world is ok

i dont know

thats how i feel

i wrap myself in blankets

sometimes even sit in a tiny wardrobe having clothes cascade me and im blind, touch of the fabric are my only sight

and i feel like im far away

not here

anywhere but here and i feel fine, i vent i let myself fall venerable for that one moment

then back to reality

its like it never happened

back to a smile and jolly old me

but inside im still sad

its still ties my down andd sinks me

i guess im just good at hiding it