Traveling cassie, what a topic
i dont want to be here
tbh i dont want to be anywhere
but i want to be everywhere
ok cass we are going to have those 3 am chats i crave with someone new
a fresh
cause thats what i want to feel
see the same places
same people
same goddamn lectures i copp
i just cant help but think of salvation beyond australia
what triggered this want to freedom and get away
no it wasnt the lecture i got for going gay clubbing and coming home at 4 in the morning
oh did i forget to mention that cass
i got to dance with this guy
hes so pretty
too pretty to be true
but anyway
it was these two who made me want to fly
Frida is so beautiful
i wish i watched her closer when i was in art
she so amazing
i was watching documentaries on her and her husband
her husband is a famous mexican painter
he lived about 10 years of his life in france
thats where he was influenced
tbh cass im feeling a bit stricken and angry cause i feel like im losing everything and everyone
and my eye wouldnt stop twitching today
and i didnt want to get out of bed
i wanted just to melt away and die and ive mistrusted many people and i feel stupid and i just cant keep my big mouth shut cause i love to brag and i hate myself sometimes
and travel right
i raelly want to get away
i imagine my future
a massive window
a view of a very victorian based town, free, isolated, a hint of trees and a lot of sun and columns and stone walls, bleak, beautiful
im simply just wearing a singlet and undies
im on a wooden floor of a massive fucking studio bedroom apartment
infront of me are a large aray of watercolour tubes and bloody good watercolour paper
by my side
a woman
with a fresh cup of coffee and a fresh young face, although she has large bags under her eyes from partying
she doesnt speak english
and i dont speak whatever the fuck she speaks
shes naked
and i watch her, she doesnt care, her body is lovely and appears breathtaking on my watercolour paper as i draw her while she swiftly moves doing everyday errands
i have an unlit cigg in my mouth and she helps light it up, grabbing herself one
everything would be perfect in that moment
lost by view
i can paint without thinking of anything or anyone
i can be properly and utterly selfish and i dont give a fuck, no guilt tripping just plain beautiful selfishness
the plane ride to melb was horrible and utterly painful when it landed
but i would go through that pain a million more times just to escape this bloody place and these bloody people
but look at that
you know what i realy want right now
a picture of me
no wait cass, im not that cocky
no longer incognito
and just smilling, happy, like, not a forced picture just me nothing everything is good
my parents give me such a heavy burden
and i feel horrible
my dream life right now is this
i tell my mum im sleeping over, shes scared, but ok with this
i call her, not fearing that shell pressure me to come home
i come home the next day and its ok
i come home at 11 pm another day
my mum ask me where ive been, and i honestly tell her everything about my day about my friends, my laughs, and sadness, and everything is just honest and shes ok with it, she likes my friends and shes happy im happy, im off to uni, to work, saving up to go somewhere else
cant everything not be hard
why
whyy
i want to get away, get out of here
ugh
i feel sucky now
but then again its 4 am
kinda moody
just feel found when i want to be lost
OMG THATS SO DEEP
i should sleep
omg its like a song now
talking about songs
king krule is amazing
let me travel, to milan, paris
just somewhere the people dont notice the beauty
someone in greece where there are stone walls with vines and open doors and home cooked meal and people who have a heart and secrets and a whole life of their own but they just walk past unseen like me
whats triggering this??
who knows
why cant i be oblivious
not perceptive in a stupid way
man i dont know
get me out of here
And everything hits you in the end
And spoils your thought stream
My heart got a hold of my head
And ripped it to its seams -King Krule - Bleak Bake