i am confused and angry and nothing thinking straight and i want to make horrible mistakes for such selfish fucking reasons
bobby i read your recent bloog post and i cant handle it, i wanna hold your hand and i am sorry for how you feel, i want you to follow your dreams but i know how parents are
a woman in a store said there was something wrong with me today cause i didnt acknowledge her
then i received a friendly lecture, the ones you listen to cause she is an elder, no other reason
i didnt mind even though i was half asleep and she picked up on it and she said there was something wrong with me, but not in a mean way
more like she pointed out that i have shadows, demons even, in my head
and i guess its true
i am confused and happy but sad and i over think so much i dont think things through if that makes sense
you know
like i want to take things delicatly and step by step trying not to let it explode in my face then out of nowhere i decide to do something completely stupid and it hits me in the face with a full on pain and it comes back to me now and leaves me in a spiral of depression cause i dont think things through
thats what the woman said to me
i think to much
she can see it
probably in my eyes
i need something to calm me down
something inside me is building up and i cant reach it, release it
im just so angry and i dont know why
i havent made a blog post like this in a while
maybe cause i havent been feeling like this in a while
why does it hit now??
is it cause uni is over for now and now i cant keep myself distracted from my demons?
ugh sometimes i just hate myself
cause i cant help who i am
you know those times i keep talking and i say things during real horrible times
so i just do things
why do i do things
why do i say things
i just wish someone has the balls to ask me whats wrong
i want to keep more secrets, that was my flaw that i wanted to someone heal this year
it was in my new years resolutions
so was "be creative"
but we both know that those things wont be resloved or whatever
i jsut half asleep, drownsy and sad
empty even
why cant i think
i hate this i need to learn that people have emotions and ugh its not about me and i just need this but i dont need this then i get angry then i get sad then i want to punch things and ugh ugh ughugh gugnbroonvnanjanegklnklnarklngerak
yeah
ok
try and make myself happy
i love how pumped jess and collin are on whatsapp right now
im listening to riptide to make myself happy
and staring at this picture or mr mac i took today
well, yesterday apparently
ok im happy now
my friends are making me smile
someone else is making me smile
*subtle grin*
y7eah i is gon end my post here
O yea I almost 4got to mention I went 2 eat out wit tian.
Whoa, won't you let me hold you, dear ?
I want to just put my arms around ya, like the circles going 'round the
Sun.
Let me hold you daddy, at least until the morning comes.- Janis Joplin - I need a man to love
I want to just put my arms around ya, like the circles going 'round the
Sun.
Let me hold you daddy, at least until the morning comes.- Janis Joplin - I need a man to love