i kinda have no idea where to start
i hate august
thats i beginning i suppose, ive been wanting to make this post for ages but it just became a build up of pictures in a weird order and everything is just fucked i guess
i was painting and then i split my indian ink and this happened, sad face, looks kinda nice, i love getting paint on my hand, it makes me feel all avant-garde and connected to art and shit
i can kinda say it speaks to me
i think jackson suggested that song to me
hes nice
so is brit
im making new friends and i am happy
you know what im bad at
hugging
i used to love to hug
and i still do
but i used to do it all the time
but now when people do it out of being polite it ends up all awks and please dont hug me, i dont mind but i always end up do thing voice where im like "uh, oh, there you go haha" and it makes things awks i mean i can hug but yeah
like an example
i hang out with many guys at uni rather than girls (no i am not a grrl gamer rockstarxxo95)
but its like
they feel like they have to be more polite i guess?
like this one time Abel shook hands goodbye with the boys and when it came to me he did a weird awkward hug things at it was just the worst goodbye ever, it was funny but still haha
the other day i was walking out of education with Jackson whom is 21, i did not know, is tht why jackson and Abel get along so well? who knows
well ive been hanging out with him a good amount and well we sat in the sun together while i ate banana it was nice
and anyways
he hugged me goodbye and it was awkward and all
but then he said "love ya" to me...
and i was like, full of awe and shit
hes so nice, like i saw him sitting alone on his laptop obviously busy but i was lonely and sad and i was like, "Jackson?" and he just smiled and said "oh hey" and he looked back at him laptop and i felt like, 'oh should i leave?' and i just stood there
and he placed his laptop father away from him, turned around and pat the pavement he was on saying "sit down"
people like him make me smile, like they try and be friends with you its lovely
ok lets talk pre the worst month of my life
i went to newtown for no reason
Here i am wearing a mask at the store i like and i got myself green tea incense, which i want to light up now oooo i should!! and make myself a cuppa, and i got myself into a book store called "Better read than dead" i love that how cute omfg and they had a dvd on my favourite performance artist
and like i suggest you look her up cass shes so cool and so cute like woah shes so, surreal
the store also had the cutest area for kids, all harry potter style! i mean if i had a staircase like that, you know what ill be doing, kids reading room! no tv!
and omg how smart, the book store only a few feet away, which im pretty sure sold second hand books, had this, awwwwww, like wow i would totes do that
i think i hung out with snez and jess, snez got us yumcha! thanks bebe, and then i went livo instead of my EDST2070 lecture which is such a scary course until i stepped foot into the second lecture, i love it, it kinda embraces all my views on racism and sexism and i just ugh am so happy and full of energy and britney is my pal we are in the same tut and im happy im making friends
she told me over the break she was squatting at a mates house,
which was emptied cause they were planning to renovate it soon and so she stayed there for a week sleeping on a matress with her friend,
working and just reading with no internet or tv and cooking for herself i mean isnt that lovely?
i want to do that, get away from technology and just read with someone special but i dont think anyone would want to do that with me
anyway back to my day with snez and jess, PHOTO BOMB
i ate choco there and jess ate something to do with butter or pudding or something, i had tea and she had a cappuccino and man do i want tea so bad
ok ill just make a cupa tea cass and ill be back
my tea is being made and im prepping my green tea incense for light, im gonna sleep easy tonight!
oh i went back to the cafe with my mum today, had a lemon-merigue pie
the top fell, it was nice, but i got a bit sick after, shame, i like hanging out with my mum! oh! the sadness period was a great lesson for me, that what my dad told me, my mum told me love forgives everything and im just utterly upset
and it was awkward cause right after work (yes work, got one shift aw ye) i was just stressin and just crying while eating chicken stunner deal from HJ and hok came in (Sues brother) with his daughter who is real adorable
and hok hasnt seen me in a while and im just sitting there crying and he comes close and asked "are you ok?" and he hugged me and i was like aw thanks, and my dad came in and was like "why are you crying" and i said i wasnt and he was like "maria i know when you cry, ever since you were a little girl your face would go red when you cry" and that only make me want to cry even harder because it always felt like he neglected me and didnt care and now its like he notices and he finally wants to be apart of my life i felt like this is the month to reconnect to family
i mean my grandma is over from cambodia, perfect timing innit?
look at her that fiesty biotch
oh i went over to my uncles house and saw this monster who threw a car at marcels face\
lol what a cunt but for once he felt bad for his doings and sat in a dark corner not talking to anyone until marcel went up to him and hugged him to show he was forgieven and then he gave marcel a random ass toy to say sorry
it was cute cause he never usally says sorry he just keeps causing havoc and i guess this means he is growing up, its cute but kinda sad
i talked to tony (my uncle) the whole time, just laughing at how stupid teenagers can be (yes we were mostly talking about me LOL)
i mean look at how cute white people are, it was great tea, oh by the by i just finished making my tea and the incense is alight! haha!
ok what happened next..
i think i got my photos printed and here they are
those were on the vivid lights night, i really like the photos, those kinds are my fav cause it feels very in the moment and it feels nostalgic and sometimes i dont even remember them being printed its awesome
T
TUESDAY
now to begin the photo set of bobby and i the day we went karaoke and just hung out for the sake of it, i felt like we havent talked in a while so why not sing our hearts out??
and then i remember why...
ok at k1 or k2 i donno idc
if you play hey ya.. you get images of concentration camps... its so awful and weird and i want to notify the staff but i just
i dont know
its weird LOL
oh and plus we went pepper lunch, yum saw yav man
twAS YUMMO
then we went to take ghetto caps
bobby
if youre reading this
i just want to say
no matter what you do
no matter what you say
no matter where you go or who youre with....
youll always be my niggie
and oh my god jess he is making out with mokca stop him
and, 6 years still going strong, when are you going to fuck off?
WEDNESDAY
the day after that i went to a buffet with my old group, with like lisa and chirstina and like wynee and emilee were there it was fun and i ate a lot anf i acidentally flirted with the wrong guy woops
apparently hes a creep but the bartender remembered my name and apologised for not being able to get me free drinks so at least i got somewhere
it was great seeing tam again
shes drawing stars around her apple core on her keno card while we waited about an hour for the others
we got really hungry
THURSDAY
the day after that was foundation day and they had this little cute till around the roundhouse and i got myself a charm bracelet, much better than pandora for sho :)
I was really conisdering going foundation day cause on that day i made a friend cause Dickel, or Diki for short, shes half spanish and african and an international student from france
she looks 100% like jal from skins
i wanted to be her friend cause i want a friend of colour and i sat next to her in english and then i heard her spit out words and i was like pwah coolio youre interesting
i ended up going to her house for a cup of tea, it was really cold i re-call
why do i always end up going to strangers houses? esp when theyre french, her roomate is french as well, she lives above a photography shop and likes good music and watches skins and misfits as well
she doesnt like british comedy like the monty python, that broke my heart
she told me to go foundation day and said that i could crash at her place if i couldnt get home on time, so tempting sleeping on her couch shit faced drunk after meeting her only hours before, but i dont know why i didnt go
i think i was looking too much for an excuse not to go i knew i shouldnt of
and luckily i didnt cause when i got to the station to go home i received a phonecall from who else but upset Sue, she slept over that night, she and i are both experiencing sadness and it was real nice to talk to each other
i love her so, i dont have a relationship like her with anyone else, shes a beaut to have
she is in her version of the snood, furry coat like thing, we just slept in that, and she let me sleep in my undies, she was totes cool with it thank god cause it was really hot LOL
FRIDAY
and went to starbucks
i had a bagel for breakfast, it was so fcking good im buying it for home now for that last min before uni brekky yum yum!
we kinda wondered around and talked
i told her
cause im a philosopher
that the only reason we get along is because we dont know each others friends
LOL
its true
i can just hate someone one second and love them the next and sue cant say a thing cause she doesnt know the person at all
she just has to trust me, give me advice, make a few jokes, and then its her turn to tell me about her friends that i onl know probably 3 facts about and seen their facebook pictures
thats why i love to talk to strangers, they dont know you at all but have to think youre telling the truth
one day im just gonna dress up and be a completely different person, make up friends and just not be me, its so fun
anyways
we went to the chinese gardens cause we went there when we were little girls and it was nostalgic and so fucking fun cause it was just her and me and we just bummbed around a fancy area in costumes and were planning to study there after uni
im so up for that
we would walk around this area giggling horribly, practically cackling and fanning ourselves
and saying fuck a lot
we love to say fuck
oh and she would love to do this thing where when she takes a photo of me, she takes another right after
bitch
we took caps
it was nice, in the one saying sw@g we reenacted the ones we took when we were like 12 at cabra, i remember she used to call herslef angel and i would be princess , the birthing of my old email
-lidool_hot_princess@hotmail.com-
i feel like sue understands me, like the only one who actually understands me
lol i dont mean to say this in like a mean way, im just saying sue and i are weird that way
and then when she left i went to danny house with jess, coooooolin and bobby
they got holes in their faces and ears lol
i love you bobby, you sassy cunt
------------
i finlly got myself a copy of ghost world
im really happy
i feel like enid really speaks to me and i love them so much cause theyre so cool like,
they would just totally fuck freaks
how interesting
i love interesting people
who are open to
drugs
sex
smoke
drink
anything all the bad kids do
the things i want to do
i want to be a bad kid
i love my family
I think this month is a lesson for me to connected back to my roots
before august ive been high in the sky, being my own little selfish bitch and not giving a fuck about anything or anyone but everything and everyone
its like
its time
i be the old me
the good me
i know its going to be hard
and i know that just before augustus came along i was insanely happy
this is the slap in the face i needed to get on track with uni
my family
my friends
and most of all myself
i miss the old me
and im sure the old me misses me as well
if that makes sense
goodnight
i love you, i know you might be having a hard time, i know you might feel alone sometimes and feel like no ones listening, but , i just wanna say good night, i love you and sweet dreams, i'll always be here for you old sport, im here and i hear you.
As we are floating in the blue
I am softly watching you
Oh boy your eyes betray what burns inside you
Whatever I feel for you
You only seem to care about you
Is there any chance you could see me too?
Cause I love you
Is there anything I could do
Just to get some attention from you?-Woodkid - I love you (the french chick showed me this song, isnt it amazing! i fucking love it, i mean i cant even write one verse of it!)