24 August

HOW TO TEACH BOYS CREATIVE WRITING

• choose 2 character discriptions
• a place
• and object
• now write the first 3 sentences of this story 

ok now that i have on my blog and im gonna try to find it again when i teach, hello

i am maria chan and i am having a mental breakdown

ok not really, im trying to deal with it

frank ocean is making me real chill

its really frustrating when people come to me with their uni problems and advice when i am barely keeping my head above the water

I had a bit of an emotional break down last night, super duper crying and thank god andrew was there to pick up the pieces, it was so stupid

ive been angry- very very angry and i am unsure why. its like this stress is creating a monster
everything about my life and what is to come is overwhelming me

i just want everything to be over.

but i am also glad this is happening cause i am able to handle much more than i used to

in a way i am really glad that i am so busy because i am on my feet and it distracts me from the rest of the world

one thing i have noticed about myself is that i am must more blunt- straight to the point cause you know what? i dont hve the fucking time-



The first day i have off i am not going to be on my phone at alll seriously

on the plus side i got to habg out with eeh the other day, we went our for breakfast, we both wanted ristretto and co which is like yas qween

we then went to the city and got some glasses, we went into a strictly metal record store which was bizarre i didnt like it

then we went to parramatta, i showed him beatdisk recored (my new favourite store, i probs already spent $200 there) and then borrowed a book from dymocks, bought $32 eyeliner, sticky tape and yeah

it was good. we just talked about shows and music


it was like my first day off in ages

 ok i just needed to talk for a bit cause people are stressing me out right now but i feel all g now so :):))::):):)


I brought trees to blow through, but it's just me and no you
Stayed up 'til my phone died, smoking big, rolling solo

[Chorus]
It's hell on Earth and the city's on fire
Inhale, in hell there's heaven
There's a bull and a matador dueling in the sky
Inhale, in hell there's heaven

Ethics

I have not been blogging because i have been stressing

the assignment i am doing now is about teaching ethics

the and two main frame works of ethics we are learning about is deontological and consequentialism

deontological is where you follow the rules, if someone breaks it, punishment done. e.g. student plagiarises an assignment = suspended

consequentialism is for the "greater good" so you dont punish the kid because it may ruin his reputation and has everlasting repercussions in their life.

I think as a teacher i follow the consequentialist framework, just because everyone deserves a second chance

but in life i am pretty deontological, not in laws, but in courtesy

like if a dick head overtakes me for no reason i kinda tail them haha

or like if one person takes a 6 seater in a currently empty train, i give em dirties

or if i friend ruins your trust you cant go back type thing you know 

i know that i am mainly consequentialist in my way of thinking cause i am too forgiving. but i feel as if i am choosing my friends more carefully now

just meeting people who dont have that many high school friends anymore has me feeling kinda appreciative of my friends?

i know for a fact that i put a lot of love into the group and into my friends, i am also kind of afraid if the reason i am still friends with most of them is because i am afraid of change?

I am unsure, but should someone be forgiven?

should everyone be told what they have done to hurt you so they can learn from it?

is it worth it?

i mean if they dont enjoy what you say were they ever your friend?

ive been in a bit of a battle with myself lately and i just feel like the only way i can be closer to people is if i tell them what i dont like about them?

I just hate feeling betrayed by someone.

because i know once they do it i can never talk to them like i used to 

but whats the point of being around them anymore?

I dont know, sometimes i look at other people from high school and think, they arent friends with their highschool friends anymore, is it better or worse for them?

some come up to me and are like 

"omg i so jelz i never talk to my HS friends anymore"

but they are at a better place?

i am not saying i hate my high school friends haha i love you guys

but how do you turn back from betrayal, i guess i am at my wits ends with lies

the new friendships i have created with my uni friends (jessica and sandy) has opened my eyes about who i should associate myself with

they are very closed and close to their family, most of their friends are family members and their boyfriends - and its hard for me because i am not close to my family - not that i dont want to be,, its cause they dont want to me

so i realised that my friends are my second family, well actually my first family in a way..

but.. how are they family if i cant tell them when they have done something wrong? or hurt me? or have done something to annoy me? with the fear of them hating me? or tbh having them do that to me about something that i cant change. what if its something they cant change?

but i am so accepting, i told eeh that he can be a grumpy sour puss and he know its and he understands my feelings towards it?

bobs knows he is a bit grotty and has me telling him what i dont like make him improve? or am i just telling him to change who he is?

these thoughts have been with me for a while and my uni friends are changing my views on friendship and womanhood, especially since i feel like we would be friends forever (i hope)

we had the bridesmaid talk :)

Sandy suddenly said, hey you guys, would you be my bridesmaids, i dont have a lot of friends so i need to fill in my party (haha idk if thats a good thing, but she was saying in a youre good m8s and ima fuckwit type way)

and jess said i will for sure have you guys, that means that i will have 7 bridesmaids, cool

my biggest fear is my height, im so much taller than them i would tower them ahha

I would love them as bridesmaids

anyway back to the whole friendship thing

is honesty the key?

i just want loyalty i guess

ok i am gonna stop here because i can talk all night

what are your ethics? how do you make decisions? 

got to talk to you now ore we go to sleep, but will we sleep once i tell you whats hurting me

hey hi, its currently almost 3 am and i am at sandys house doing my uni work which is due that afternoon at 5 so im stressin

i am very stressed because my semester is 8 weeks meaning 4 courses and 13 dead lines so fkn good luck to me aye


i feel a bit strange a floppy lately- maybe because summer is coming back and im getting excited

i think one thing i realised about myself is that i fear change?
i love looking at the past more than anything and i really feel like i stuggle to move on frmo anything and right now the whole idea of because a teacher has shaken me

i am really not keen but idk what else to do with my life and more importantly my degree

i also crave health - i am acutally considerin g become vegan/vegetarian for a month- i know

weird huh? past me was so totes against it but i am considering it cause of my health

david, drew and eeh came to my house a few hours ago and they saw a photo of me at 2014 splendour and boiiiiiii did i gain weight- i realy want to change that about my self and i am trying to find alternatives to make me enjoy cardio


cause cardio is hardio m8

anywho the person who brought out my interest in veganism or whatever is waka flocka in dis vid

yeah so i blogged 

kisses xoxo