i want him more than anyone in my life

I am sorry about my previous hissy fit

lets carry on to the life and times of your dearly beloved Maria Chan

OH KAY

it is already the 3rd week of high school which makes me wanna throw up

i havent been studying which is really really really bad DAMN YOU INTERNET!

and well i am in love!

It was a wednesday and the drama class decided to go on a lovely excursion!

It was so inspiring watching the different acts and watch a team WORK TOGETHERR

and then, this one act came on

it was just so fantastic

it was so funny i almost died, not to mention the lovely piece of ass onstage!

The play was about these 3 men going after a mythical creature which is adorable as fuck

It was very monty python not to mention on the the characters names is Monty :O:O

But i just feel in love with one of the actors he was hilarious! He was tall and had black hair

Anyways enough with the teenage hormones

Lets carry on to SPORT AND THE WEATHER

i dont know why i said that

i dont know why i say many things

maybe it is because i love to embarrass myself in public

i do, you know? making strangers laugh, not a better feeling

i tend to wave my arms about with an obscure comment

people stare at we weirdly but i dont mind

i admit i am an attention seeker, i am a drama queen after all

i love EYES ON ME

see what an egotistical maniac i am?

i am perfect for an actress (OHHHHHHHHHHH SNAP)

i am also having an identity crisis, i try and be someone im not and i dont know its me, i guess i have to wait until it hits me and i know who i am. I mean i have had many phases

• Year 6 K-pop phase
• Year 7 Anime Phase
• Year 8 Lebanese people rock phase
• Year 9 Scene/emo phase *face palm*
• Year 10 Paramore Pop Rock Phase
• Year 11 Hippy/indie Phase (BEATLES AND PSYCHEDELICNESS)
• Year 12 Grunge Phase

Ive noticed in all the stupid phases ive always stuck with black nail polish and black clothing.

I love black, half of my cupboard is black! I guess i finally noticed what kinda fashion i like which is grunge, i thought it was punk but punk was too extreme. I would be the weirdest punk out there, i rock up in studs and leather, and a slab of eyeliner and then

BOOM

"OMFG GUYS WASSUPPPP! *chest bump* now lets discuss our political views! "

Ive asked people if they thought i was sarcastic, i think i am honestly, bobina thinks i am, Sue thinks i am, no one else really does.

I think its because my sarcasm is to subtle, if people payed more attention to what i say they would see that i am very insulting and sarcastic, thank you Daria!

I think i am going to write down comments that i like and begin to write like a comedy routine, i would actually love to be a comedian, but i would play the race card a lot and it might offend.

But the best jokes are the offensive ones you gotta admit, i think the jokes ill write would be more the the first world problems and teenagers so a lot of people would relate.

Go on Australias got talent and embarrass myself even more in front of a whole nation, good times.

Anyways if my acts sucks they would forget me within a month, you know how fast people move on!

I am getting into listening to live shows, the music is different from studio, you see how much talent the artist really has, and plus guitar sounds more dirty and rugged, i like. I love seeing how tired the artist get and rocking out to their own songs with sweat dripping down their faces awesome.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xlyMTzDjqNo

I love the Black Keys, and gosh he is really rocking the beard

My future husband HAS to have the ability to grow a beard so when we get old we can become fat and creepy, AWWW YEAAH.

Talking about the future, my kids can be my novelty items

I want my daughters name to be Stacey, WHY YOU ASK!? well i am glad you asked

because... STACYS MUM HAS GOT IS GOING ON

And i wanna name my son LUKE! WHY AGAIN YOU ASK!?

so my husband can be like

"LUKE I AM YOUR FATHERRRRRR!"

And i would like to thank everybody for the bad future mother of the year award, i appreciate your votes!

Gooodbyeeeee and ROCK ON

I Would Probably Adore You With Your Hands Around My Neck

Life Sucks

As you can see im not chipper, i am so depressed right now, it might be the fact that my uterus decided to go on a blood parade and i am feel nothing but regret.

I really liked this guy, i dont know why, i barely knew him but to me he was my dream man!

i let him slip away, why you ask?

i dont bloody know

i guess playing hard to get doesnt work huh?

now he is taken and im still a single lady and no one wants to put a ring on me.

Oh well!

Thats teenage drama for you!

And dear god im craving a bass! guitar that is.

im so passionate about that deep spine tingler but my parents to passionate on finding a lovely house.

Just this one thing will keep me happy and off the internet, but the problem is that i wont be able to afford lessons goddammit!!!!!!!!!!

i guess ill have to self teach, i kinda did bass tabs on guitar.

Oh why cant i have a talent in music, i wish i was able to sing but i sound like a pig dying, true story!

I hate life, i feel like i'l never find someone like me, who likes my music, my clothes, who llikes me, woah the last line made me laugh, well done maria you just became a cliche!

Lately ive been way to judgemental all ive been doing is dissing everything, everyone even myself. When i have a though i think to myself, did i just think that? am i the only one who talks to myself??? Because i constantly have a voice in my head that tells me to kill and kill again, no im joking but im always stuck in my thoughs and i hate it, why cant i just not think?

When im alone my brains goes "hey maria you know what you havent thought about in ages? Monsters, regrets, hate, self image, oh and by the way your leg is itchy now!" and im just like FUCK YOU BRAIN!

Sometimes i think i am weird, your probably thinking, "oh yeah you think your random and funny, well everyone thinks that and theyre not" oh god why the fuck do i have such negative thoughts. But i think im different ive tried talking about particular things and i go "do you ever have that?" they look at me weird and say NO! and im like am i fucked up?

Why do i feel angry, empty and sad all the time?

why do i feel like a worthless little nothing and if i disappeared nothing will change?

Why do i feel so alone?

Why wont anyone understand me?

Why can't i just be happy?

Just for one day?

I hate being a teenager and i hate teenagers

just watching them makes me cringe with their cake face and mini-skirts i think, well done on being a whore!!!

want to "grow up"

wanting to drink

wanting to sleep around

just act your fucking age, sadly this is apparently the best time of our lives

shit just gets worst

and know that just makes me want to kill myself.

Oh Dear God, get me out of this state of Depression.

I fancy you with a passion, you're a top shop princess and a rockstar too

mutha fucka

yo its me maria (well who else would it be)

lets talk about life? ya? YA?

i know this sounds tacky, over rated, and a cliche but

my mums my hero, my dad doesnt deserve her honestly she has the heart of gold, and she taught me to open my eyes, look behind the curtains and tell me life could be worst so chin up.

When ever i complain or like wanna go somewhere she doesnt want me to go she tells me "maria i dont want you to go, but i do, i want you to have fun, but be safe, not everyone in the world is good, stick together, dont fray from the crowd."

and i try and look from her perspective

i mean if i had a daughter i would want her to be safe, honestly sometimes i feel like the only teenager who sees that, whenever i talk about wanting to go somewhere and i tell them i cant go the would try and influence me "look, just go only one time"

i feel like i cant im a mamas girl, i love love my mum.

But in all seriousness i used to want to be a "badass" i dont know why, i wanted to party, smoke, drink, drugs, sex. but now i dont, im kinda hipster, i dont wanna be like everyone else, i dont understand the concept of "drinking" i mean whats the point of getting shitfaced? why not just have fun sober? are you proud of what you doing? what are you doing this for? to impress your friends???

sighhhh fuck me i just dont understand sometimes how people brag on and on about how drunk they got one night. im just here like "mutha fucken internet biotch"

im satisfied with my life, i have a few mood swings here and there, but im happy with the person ive become.

i dont wanna sound up myself, but i feel as if im a good person, i see what other people dont, im an overthinker, and people dont see that. They think "oh maria fucking weird, she sees everything as a joke, happy go lucky" and im here caught up in my thoughts just constantly thinking about how fucked up our world is.

i mean people are out there constantly complaining about first world problems and im here thinking, how can you be so sad that your capped internet when people out there dont understand what that word means. 5 year olds killing themselves working for nothing trying to save their diseased family. i go into a spiral of depression when i over think. i cant stop thinking about how im living luxury wanting money, when someone out there just wants food, some clothes, some mother fucking tree to protect them from the sun. HOW THE FUCK CAN WE LIVE IN SUCH AN ADVANCED SOCIETY CREATING FUCKING I DONO HIGH TECH MACHINE GUNS FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WHEN WE CANT FEED A FAMILY FOR ONE DOLLAR.

im living in the wrong era, everyones caught up in their own pathetic problems they forget a week later. i want to be in the 60,70s i want to protest, i want to do something in my life to change someone elses. in year 8 i wanted to going the peace corps. i wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a social worker, work with abused women, troubled teens, really changing the world to a better place. those are the real heros. i just get really disgusted how people discriminate, i read an extremely hurtful comment to homosexuals, to freddie mercury, died of aids, someone wrote "im glad he died of a faggot disease" i literally felt sick i wanted to vomit i wanred to kill the person who wrote it i was so angry.

gosh im getting angry, shouldnt get worked up

i started this post about my mum, end with a corrupt

i just wanted to write that my mother donated our old clothes to disabled people and she told me as we drove away that she put $200 in one of the pockets and she said "its for charity" and smiled. My heart sank at that moment i wanted to cry of how blessed i am to have a mother like that. She raised us good, we drove past a window washer and my little brother marcel watched. as we drove off my brother said "i feel sorry for him" i asked why he said he didnt know and added "if i had money, i would give him $100". i love my mum, she taught me and my brothers not to be caught in our own problems and always have our hand out for others, you might get hurt, but at least your a good person. My mother has been hurt to much, to many people look down on her (not only cause shes short) they betray her, they push her away, but shes still there for them. i love her so much, shes too good to be true.

just like john lennon, he tried to bring peace and got shot, just like JFK just like Martin Luther King Jr just like Gandhi. all shot dead trying to make this world a better place.