Life Sucks

As you can see im not chipper, i am so depressed right now, it might be the fact that my uterus decided to go on a blood parade and i am feel nothing but regret.

I really liked this guy, i dont know why, i barely knew him but to me he was my dream man!
i let him slip away, why you ask?
i dont bloody know
i guess playing hard to get doesnt work huh?

now he is taken and im still a single lady and no one wants to put a ring on me.
Oh well!
Thats teenage drama for you!

And dear god im craving a bass! guitar that is.

im so passionate about that deep spine tingler but my parents to passionate on finding a lovely house.

Just this one thing will keep me happy and off the internet, but the problem is that i wont be able to afford lessons goddammit!!!!!!!!!!
i guess ill have to self teach, i kinda did bass tabs on guitar.

Oh why cant i have a talent in music, i wish i was able to sing but i sound like a pig dying, true story!

I hate life, i feel like i'l never find someone like me, who likes my music, my clothes, who llikes me, woah the last line made me laugh, well done maria you just became a cliche!
Lately ive been way to judgemental all ive been doing is dissing everything, everyone even myself. When i have a though i think to myself, did i just think that? am i the only one who talks to myself??? Because i constantly have a voice in my head that tells me to kill and kill again, no im joking but im always stuck in my thoughs and i hate it, why cant i just not think?

When im alone my brains goes "hey maria you know what you havent thought about in ages? Monsters, regrets, hate, self image, oh and by the way your leg is itchy now!" and im just like FUCK YOU BRAIN!

Sometimes i think i am weird, your probably thinking, "oh yeah you think your random and funny, well everyone thinks that and theyre not" oh god why the fuck do i have such negative thoughts. But i think im different ive tried talking about particular things and i go "do you ever have that?" they look at me weird and say NO! and im like am i fucked up?

Why do i feel angry, empty and sad all the time?
why do i feel like a worthless little nothing and if i disappeared nothing will change?
Why do i feel so alone?
Why wont anyone understand me?
Why can't i just be happy?
Just for one day?

I hate being a teenager and i hate teenagers

just watching them makes me cringe with their cake face and mini-skirts i think, well done on being a whore!!!
want to "grow up"
wanting to drink
wanting to sleep around
just act your fucking age, sadly this is apparently the best time of our lives
shit just gets worst

and know that just makes me want to kill myself.

Oh Dear God, get me out of this state of Depression.

I fancy you with a passion, you're a top shop princess and a rockstar too