mutha fucka

yo its me maria (well who else would it be)

lets talk about life? ya? YA?

i know this sounds tacky, over rated, and a cliche but

my mums my hero, my dad doesnt deserve her honestly she has the heart of gold, and she taught me to open my eyes, look behind the curtains and tell me life could be worst so chin up.
When ever i complain or like wanna go somewhere she doesnt want me to go she tells me "maria i dont want you to go, but i do, i want you to have fun, but be safe, not everyone in the world is good, stick together, dont fray from the crowd."

and i try and look from her perspective
i mean if i had a daughter i would want her to be safe, honestly sometimes i feel like the only teenager who sees that, whenever i talk about wanting to go somewhere and i tell them i cant go the would try and influence me "look, just go only one time"
i feel like i cant im a mamas girl, i love love my mum.

But in all seriousness i used to want to be a "badass" i dont know why, i wanted to party, smoke, drink, drugs, sex. but now i dont, im kinda hipster, i dont wanna be like everyone else, i dont understand the concept of "drinking" i mean whats the point of getting shitfaced? why not just have fun sober? are you proud of what you doing? what are you doing this for? to impress your friends???

sighhhh fuck me i just dont understand sometimes how people brag on and on about how drunk they got one night. im just here like "mutha fucken internet biotch"

im satisfied with my life, i have a few mood swings here and there, but im happy with the person ive become.

i dont wanna sound up myself, but i feel as if im a good person, i see what other people dont, im an overthinker, and people dont see that. They think "oh maria fucking weird, she sees everything as a joke, happy go lucky" and im here caught up in my thoughts just constantly thinking about how fucked up our world is.

i mean people are out there constantly complaining about first world problems and im here thinking, how can you be so sad that your capped internet when people out there dont understand what that word means. 5 year olds killing themselves working for nothing trying to save their diseased family. i go into a spiral of depression when i over think. i cant stop thinking about how im living luxury wanting money, when someone out there just wants food, some clothes, some mother fucking tree to protect them from the sun. HOW THE FUCK CAN WE LIVE IN SUCH AN ADVANCED SOCIETY CREATING FUCKING I DONO HIGH TECH MACHINE GUNS FOR MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WHEN WE CANT FEED A FAMILY FOR ONE DOLLAR.

im living in the wrong era, everyones caught up in their own pathetic problems they forget a week later. i want to be in the 60,70s i want to protest, i want to do something in my life to change someone elses. in year 8 i wanted to going the peace corps. i wanted to be a teacher but now i want to be a social worker, work with abused women, troubled teens, really changing the world to a better place. those are the real heros. i just get really disgusted how people discriminate, i read an extremely hurtful comment to homosexuals, to freddie mercury, died of aids, someone wrote "im glad he died of a faggot disease" i literally felt sick i wanted to vomit i wanred to kill the person who wrote it i was so angry.

gosh im getting angry, shouldnt get worked up

i started this post about my mum, end with a corrupt

i just wanted to write that my mother donated our old clothes to disabled people and she told me as we drove away that she put $200 in one of the pockets and she said "its for charity" and smiled. My heart sank at that moment i wanted to cry of how blessed i am to have a mother like that. She raised us good, we drove past a window washer and my little brother marcel watched. as we drove off my brother said "i feel sorry for him" i asked why he said he didnt know and added "if i had money, i would give him $100". i love my mum, she taught me and my brothers not to be caught in our own problems and always have our hand out for others, you might get hurt, but at least your a good person. My mother has been hurt to much, to many people look down on her (not only cause shes short) they betray her, they push her away, but shes still there for them. i love her so much, shes too good to be true.

just like john lennon, he tried to bring peace and got shot, just like JFK just like Martin Luther King Jr just like Gandhi. all shot dead trying to make this world a better place.