I gives me this kind of rush, it gives me this sense of self. if that makes sense.
It s the 28th of march and i feel very different. i am soon to be 21. As i lay here going through old pictures of myself, my friends and even my very on blog (and bobs deviantart) I cant elp but feel like i have come a long way. I will be graduating very soon and i thought this day would never come.
I will admit that i kinda scares me, but i feel ok with it at the same time. Why? because of my friends. A few days ago i went to go see a view. it was beautiful. it felt just like old times. exploring, going places for no good reason. i just miss it dearly....
i had ice-cream at the view. My favourite type. Choc dipped in nuts. it never does me wrong.
We then went to go see an abandoned train station. i did not wear the shoes for it. We then moved on to a beach were i leaped in in my underwear. There is no other sensation like it. It is not the same in your mere swimmers. Theres something diffrerent in your unplanned underwear and your ever growing fever from the throat infection you will get only a day later.
The water felt great. Screaming felt great. Standing in Eeh's car peering outside the sunroof with the wind in my hair was amazing. I felt the same way i did in 2013, when i first discovered this love for myself and the deep love i will have for my friends.
I am unsure whether or not they feel the same way. whether they ever feel as lonely as i do until i see them. Like- i can never really really be myself until i am with them?
Sure i can enjoy myself with my uni girls which i do. They dont have the same history or chemistry as- the if i dare say- "the kik"
Maybe it is the fact that i am looking back that makes me love them so much- but i guess it only makes me excited enough to move forward.
I love my friends and my friends to come
The best feelings with new and hopeful friends so far are
- Seeing Brit again, caressing her unwashed hair and telling her how beautiful she was
- sitting in sean's car, talking about our worst drunk stories
- walking quite quickly to the bus stop with naomi- talking about making a zine about the pressures of being the first and only girl child in a first generation family (and wanting to pursue an art form)
- Messaging my Uni girls and knowing that they know me- not all of me, but enough to know they love me
I also love having those millennial moments and getting to experience it with your friends
- Sitting in Eeh's new car
- Finding out bobs got into Aftrs
- Seeing Andrew, skinning as fuck and in his reserves outfit
- Sitting in a car with Collin, unknowingly making a decision to date Thom
- Finding out Jessica is illergic to 50 SPF sunscreen
- Ems, drunk, crying on the phone to her parents saying she desereved to be out, as dammit she did
- Watching Huynh watching Lucky's Tumor
I have hated all you guys at different times and loved you all at the same time. But to me, youre all family.
