So for breakfast today i had
- cereal
- milk tea
- a single slice of toast with butter
i really need to stop doing that, depending on other people
i dont mind depending on one certain person because they depend on me too
but i feel like im adding pressure on people who don't need it
i think during the study period i am going to focus on myself, and my family as well as my studies
i really want to get back on a diet, and by diet i mean just eating healthy
i can really feel the bad food now and i miss being less bloated LOL
i am meant to be studying but i just wanted to blog before i go out
i am going to go to customs
i really hope i get a car, i really hate depending on wynee for her car for gym, i mean she doesnt need me to drag her down, i must really be a pain sometimes
i also need a car for teaching, i am going to go, for a full 4 weeks, to a school to teach
holy shit i am actually going to become a teacher
its scary
anyways am really a horrible and selfish person, my family really does not deserve to have me around
reasons
- i am never around
- i am not helping with the new house
- i complain
- i buy food but never eat it and waste money
- my rooms a fucking mess
im just really bad
oh also, i really need to stop bitching, holy fuck, its all i do now... i took a step back and i felt sour, i keep trying not to but i keep letting my mouth run
yep another issue i have
i let my mouth fucking run, i am not trustworthy man fuck
i need to fix myself
also, everything feels surreal, nothing feels like home anymore you know
i used to feel safe in my room but now i just feels like another place to sleep
sleep has been hard due to the heat
and the mess
once saturday hits i am going to pack and shit yeah
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
I JUST WANT MY LIFE TO BE TOGETHER FUCK
ok ok okokokokokookookokokokkokookookk
no more complaining, lets do my work
emily dickinson and edith wharton here i come
you get that look in your eyes and im done
that look - flume