list

i dont know if you can tell but i love writing lists, it soothes men, i just feel like now i know where i am going and it calmsssss me

i am currently in a panic mode, my assignment has been extended to friday and i dont even know if i can make that deadline

my dad out of no where told me i need to pack before tomorrow

wtf wtf wtf wtf wtfwkfgn wirlgubyhjr



WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

I HAVE THE ESSAY,
BLOG POST,
AND REFLECTION DUE
NOT TO MENTION THE LECTURE SLIDES
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

issues

I'm depending on people too much again

So for breakfast today i had 

1. cereal
2. milk tea
3. a single slice of toast with butter

i really need to stop doing that, depending on other people

i dont mind depending on one certain person because they depend on me too

but i feel like im adding pressure on people who don't need it

i think during the study period i am going to focus on myself, and my family as well as my studies

i really want to get back on a diet, and by diet i mean just eating healthy 

i can really feel the bad food now and i miss being less bloated LOL

i am meant to be studying but i just wanted to blog before i go out

i am going to go to customs

i really hope i get a car, i really hate depending on wynee for her car for gym, i mean she doesnt need me to drag her down, i must really be a pain sometimes

i also need a car for teaching, i am going to go, for a full 4 weeks, to a school to teach

holy shit i am actually going to become a teacher

its scary

anyways am really a horrible and selfish person, my family really does not deserve to have me around

reasons

1. i am never around
2. i am not helping with the new house
3. i complain
4. i buy food but never eat it and waste money
5. my rooms a fucking mess

im just really bad

oh also, i really need to stop bitching, holy fuck, its all i do now... i took a step back and i felt sour, i keep trying not to but i keep letting my mouth run

yep another issue i have

i let my mouth fucking run, i am not trustworthy man fuck 

i need to fix myself

also, everything feels surreal, nothing feels like home anymore you know

i used to feel safe in my room but now i just feels like another place to sleep

sleep has been hard due to the heat

and the mess

once saturday hits i am going to pack and shit yeah

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

 I JUST WANT MY LIFE TO BE TOGETHER FUCK

ok ok okokokokokookookokokokkokookookk

no more complaining, lets do my work

emily dickinson and edith wharton here i come 

you get that look in your eyes and im done

that look - flume

wilough

hi im distracted and i totally have a willow smith obsession right now

https://soundcloud.com/dhatu

she is so talented

https://soundcloud.com/kittycash/willow-smith-8


can't handle


everyone should listen to her music

i also did my timetable

i;m doing all education courses

im pretty sure im doing curriculum stuff

ily

 Can you see the words rolling off my tongue, you got the touch baby because you're the one. I can taste the smoke rolling off your lips, I inhale, see the stars and then I smell your kiss. Show me, show me your galaxy.

 

a e p s

today i scrunched myself in a ball and exclaimed, "uni hurts"

its true tho it hurts

two more weeks until this semester is finally done and i dont have time fuck me dead i want to die

i have a 3,000 word reflection due and it is 60%

and 4 days later i have a major essay, 40% and 2500-3000 words

can i just say its technically 2 days after because i have work

gosh im in panic mode, help help


not to mention i have a build up of shifts and i have my uni performance tmr and i have to get up at 5 am and fuck

i cant gym or eat healthy

after the major essay i have peer review and 6 blog post which i havent started

no time no time no time

WHY CANT THEY JUST CALL SAM IN JESUS


i nned a hug
and my mum is being a bitch

and my dad is stressed

which makes my mum a bitch

which makes my brother as dumb fuck

and my other brother is just a lazy shit

and my room is messy

which i try to clean

but no time

and people wont stop talking to me

and the accountant took $60 away from me

and everything is so expensive

and my fucjk i cannttttttttttttttttttt

monday
performance

tuesday
drive to hospital and study

wednesday
study

thursday
lecture
study

friday
reflection due
study

saturday
work

sunday
work

monday
tut
study

tuesday 
study
major essay due

wednesday
work

thursday
blog post
work

friday
blog post due

saturday
freedom

until the poetic test











goodnight

Boy in the striped shirt

The world has a really weird way of working out

Sometimes it is even stranger

I completely forgot my work phone in my butt pocket and didn't realise until it was too late to have it returned

the next day, which is today

i went back to work to return it, impulsively walking out the door to the parramatta train, not even finishing my cereal i sped out the house because the next train was in 15 min

After the train was safe and sound i rushed into the first train that left for central for uni

i sat behind this cute guy with a stripped shirt

he looked pretty old and i like to make up stories about strangers i see

especially on train rides or if im waiting for someone

its fun and makes the rides faster

i stared at the back of his head wondering what he did in his life and before you knew it, i ended up at central, where he got off too

without a rush i jogged in my uncomfortable boots to the unsw bus stop, and i noticed he was lining up as well, my story of him changed,

he wasnt that old, i guess i was wrong

i wondered what he did at uni

we sat next to each other but on different seats, one knowing the other was there

i looked at him now and then and laughed at the coincidence, but not out loud of course, im not (that much) of a freak

as i made my way slowly to uni i sat with my group partner outside of our lecture theatre and we discussed our project

and i noticed he walked pass my table, weird

and i told her the story

as i lined up outside for my american literature lecture, he was there too

i never ever noticed him before

i just stared, startled at the coincidence

he looked at me too, knowing and wondering how i came about

it was weird

and that was my story of the boy in the striped shirt

maybe i'll see him next week,

probably not