Do you like my new ipad wallpaper?
It reminds me of this song Jess showed me and Hellen showed her
I did it this morning and my mind was so powerful yet peaceful.
I think I'm in my good spot, my inspire point, it tends to come right after my period, sorry for the tmi but it's like my menstrual is a down point in my life, I get sad and angry, it's like this feeling is pumping through my veins, it's so fucking strange, and once I'm out of it it's like a breath of fresh air hahaha
I've been drawing and painting and thinking a lot
After going to Space 44 with Britney in cronulla I've been wanting to display my stuff and show people what I can do. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but people don't realise I have this side to me. They know it, but it's like idk
E.g. Jess was like "I keep forgetting you draw" and it's odd because I wonder if I actually express my artistic side that much. No one really knows I draw because I don't mention it, I'm busy bragging about partying and seeing concerts and stuff like that, I think it's my soft point, my "me" time kind of thing
Yeah, the reason why I love Danny Nguyen it because he respects my artistic side, he's always like "she draws so mad" or something like that hahaha. Plus he's cute. LOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!
I love drawing. I love art. I love putting pen, pencil, brush, paint to paper.
It's my passion along with feminism.
I've noticed that I am well known about these things to my uni friends.
And I think I'm a different person with Brittney but the kik know me differently. I'm this retarded bitch slut who can't shut the fuck up.
I've noticed they can never see me that way, artistic, whimsical and crazy passionate girl you know?
Example when I went to the VSA quiz night I was sitting with my unsw group and bobs was the host, and the people in the unsw crew who didn't know him were like "he's so cute and funny" "I love his voice" "he's adorable!" I had to step back and think wtf. All I saw was that gaga loser of a best friend I had who wore yellow all the time and with limbs that couldn't control themselves
I almost chocked on my beer!!!
It was such an eye opener because I started to wonder how people saw me
And basically it's a feminist
Ive dragged on this image for so long, my education mates always nudge me when the topic appears
I've never realised I've had these passions before and I felt like I've significantly changed over the course of two years.
My mum told me the other day that her friend said that you should let your kids out at a young age to get things out their system, to learn. And she thinks that keeping me trapped inside that house for the entire portion of my high school life made me never come home now.
I agree with that concept.
The second that I got out that house, I saw things I've never seen before.
It's a big bad world out there, but it's a hell of a ride, I'm sorry for the people who are so restricted that they can't see it.
I look at myself and all I see is a little girl.
But I'm not... (Entirely)
I'm a girl who is not quite 18 and not quite 20
I'm not quite ready for anything. But ready for everything and time isn't going to stop for anyone.
I'm not the same person I was a year ago nor the year before that. It's so scary.
How people change.
How much I've changed.
And I know the lessons I've learnt are only going to shape me for the future. I never thought that I would have a job in retail handling books, I never thought that I would be surrounded by different personalities that I could call my best friends, I never knew I could see different spectrums of the world with someone I love, I never knew that I could betray my family to such extents, and they still forgive me.
Do you guys think I changed? Please comment what you thought I was like, how I changed. I just would like to know. I don't care if you hurt my feeling because if you are my friend I probably already hurt yours hahah
My allergies are really acting up right now
The weather is really killing me. I'm so confused as to what to wear. It's so hit then it's freezing it's like ugh.
Putting aside my annoying allergies. I cannot imagine what I would be like in the future because I know it won't be anything like it is now.
Friends will move and families will begin along with fulfilling careers or endless jobs.
When I think future I think of my future kids, I think about what they will become and how they may have shape me.
That's when the ideals of opportunity trigger. I was sitting alone in the pop up store stickering books and I stumbled upon Shaun Tans new book named the Arrival.
It was about immigrants finding a new home, the whole Tony Abbott budget thing also sprung to mind.
The book hit a soft spot about my culture and how my dad came here by boat to bring his future family and my mum along. It began with a man in a new place, leaving his family to find opportunity, he was so lost in the book, he couldn't read or understand anyone. Tbh I wanted to cry because I couldn't imagine the stress my family went through to get where I am now, and now is higher education.
My parents shaped me to be there because they couldn't. They couldn't go to uni, they had no money and lived in such a dangerous place.
So they left everything to come here, sacrificing their future, their backs that went into hard labour to earn money for my education so I didn't have to go what they went through and my kids won't even face the hardships I went through with non-English speaking background parents.
You may not realise this now, but we are set as parents, us speaking English and having a hsc, the ability to read, the ability to find a job, we are set
We understand things our parents never did when living here, they couldn't reach out to us and give us help because they probably didn't understand or unreliable.
I know that I can help my kids, and cater to every need. I'm secure.
You see. It's a cycle. Cause of Tony fucking Abbott, opportunity can be erased.
What if the funding for uni raised and hex was gone the moment I tried to get into uni?
My parents couldn't afford uni, and thus i wouldn't be in uni and have to stick with a lower class job and my kids with follow that cycle.
Just. Fuck you Abbott.
ok i've lost all energy to finish to end this blog post so
These are the contents of my Uni bag today
It contains the following items
- apple juice which is 2.50 and i love very much, its by a product by sam and i cant stop drinking it
- my glasses, a need
- water, again a need which really weighs my bag down
- my beatles pencil case, and two highlighters popping out, my favorite colours
- an array of essays i must read for my feminism essay
- a sticker i got from the art gallery i got
- my lipstick pen thing
- my note pads i got from dymocks, they are so cute and handy!!
- the book heat of day i must read for my end of semester exam, its good so far but i havent found the time to read it (yet i have time to blog?)
- my yearly diary, again super essential to my bag, like super super
- underneath it my note pad
- tissues for my allergies
- earphones (essential) and ipad (not so essential but light and fun to have + lecture slides inside = good :3 )
- i almost staved a few nights ago so now i pack food or snacks incase, hence the choc, the lolly pop an egyptian guy gave me at space 44, im so sure he was into me, plus he owned the space ;) and biscuits! super salty goodness, perfect with water!!!
oh and another thing
rings are big with me right now!!
im in love with these two currently
[x]
[x]
the second ring is currently my favorite, i was going into my modernism class with Abel (in which my partner for my presentation thought was my boyfriend which was cringy) and well this American girl who i talked to a few weeks before kept looking at me and smiling and said hi and so i politely talked to her as we moved desks around because the room isnt structured for discussion, as i was doing so and more people came into our class, the American girl made me sit next to her and i felt super bad for Abel because i usually sit next to him and there was no room for him
As someone did their presentation i was just staring around the room and the tall American girl by my side
i noticed her amazing ring and i just wanted to say something but waited until the presentation was over
the second it was i was like, CAN I SEE YOUR RING
and she was like, yeah and i was like i. am. going. to. ebay. that. and she spent the rest of the class discussion finding it on eBay for me and emailed it me
shes really nice, oh and she was just like "yeah my ex-girlfriend gave it to me"
and im like oh.... cool! LOL lesbians are cool, shes really tall and pretty too
oh, and the cutest part about the day was that Abel waited outside for me even though i didnt sit next to him... no wonder my partner thought i was dating him... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL he has a girlfriend just to let you know....
sigh i really want that ring... (hint hint)
ok my energy bar is going low and my assignment due date is critical so...
BYE!
“You died over a year ago, and no one noticed.”