Dear god i want to become an actress so so so sosososoososososoososososos bloody bad!
i just want to do it so bad but i constantly feel like my mother is going to hate me for it
I love my mum very much but she has many negative traits
I think her worst one is
she cares too much about what everyone else thinks!
my dad is the exact opposite so i thank god!
I was just, you know doing some chores
and my dad said something
he was really proud of us, my brother especially for working really hard today
because my dads a builder and my brothers helped him today (yes they were paid)
And my mum was like
"whats the point! not one of them made it to selective! None of them are smart!"
and i'm just like
bdfjksvbhjstfvbhdv she is just constantly comparing our family to this other
and it made me so depressed because i really really want to go to a theatre school!
but i know shes
going to be horrible about it
she just wants to impress her friends through us
shes always talking about this one friend who had a really smart son
or bla bla bla for fuck sake its just
i just want to run away and pursue my dream alone, but i have no money
no one to stay with
i feel like if they did allow me to go to the school
theyll constantly treat me like a disappointment
everyones just like "JUST DO IT"
and im like NO! you dont understand
everyday just she expects me to go to university
and i would love to go
its just i feel like i have going to follow a mundane unsatisfied life
I want to be an actress
not for the fucking fame
no just no
because its something that makes me happy
something i feel i do actually quite alright in
everyday i feel like a failure but when i act i feel like i can be someone else
push my emotions to another direction
that the beauty of acting
becoming someone else
oh dear god why did i have to be born creative?
why did i have to be born Asian?
dear god why does everything have to suck to fucking much?
why cant i just make my mum proud?