some people know what i am currently doing
but a lot of people dont and i rather not mention anything cause i rather not jinx it
i have been feeling very depressed and overwhelmed and this has been only in the last- what? 8 hours? before that i was rather relaxed, chill and happy, but something in me flipped and i became this stress head.
i have been a super duper stress head recently and it is not cute, not cute at all for anybody
I was going to make a post about saturday and how happy i was
essentially i was trying to get some work done and i had no motivation what so ever! so then i asked andrew, bobs, huynh and jess to do some work with me. but the problem was that jess couldnt come and i wanted to do work a the university of western sydney
so then jess gave me her card (key, access to the uni) and off I, bobs, huynh and andrew went to campbelltown, but we went at a really late hour (around 2 or 3) and we were planning to shop SOOoOooOO we went shopping then decided to do work hahaha (because we were planning to work for 2 hours and we arrived at 2-3 meaning we would shop at 4 and the shopping centre closes at 5:30 and we cant have that !!!!!
so yeah we shopped and i was a little bit stressed we werent going to get work done, but had fun because bobs and i could shop for make up (i finally got spanked!!!! by fenty!! yay it looks good on me) and I could banter with huynh and andrew
when i got home that night i couldnt help but feel happy and nostalgic. i hate feeling nostalgic, its like i feel bad for being where i am today? i dont want to be fixated on the past but be ready for the future
this is becoming gloomy when it was actually a postive day for me. its so frustrating
these mood swings, they come out of nowhere and i know its all in my head - but do i?
sometimes i feel like everyone is out to get me and attack me or hurt me and i get really upset. i dig up this little hole and bury myself in it but a minute ago i had a high
who knows whats wrong with me. all i know is that i am trying to fix it. nothing really seems to be working, yet
everything is slipping away from me. i just dont know what to do about my feelings
all i do all day is listen to motivational videos, i tell myself it is all in my head but it is not enough, nothing is ever enough
ugh I HATE FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF ITS SO STUPID
and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something