well i have been studying for trials
bleh
and i think its the time of the month again!
because
i
am
feeling
rubbish
HAZZZAAAA!
im feeling lonely again
lonely and isolated
detached from the world
i feel like im breathing but im breathless
there is this tightness in my chest which knots me into a deeper more upset state of mind
dear god i hate myself
i tell myself its just a phase and i'll know itll past but why not vent
do you ever just
have this kinda moment
in your day
week
month
life
where you just want to block out the world
its like i just put on my earphones
chose a song with a slow rhythm and lyrics that is supposed to mean something but you're too sad to notice?
put it on full volume that even other people can hear from those tiny beads in your ear?
and the music just takes you far away, more like blinds you
deafens you from thinking
its way of telling you the world is ok
i dont know
thats how i feel
i wrap myself in blankets
sometimes even sit in a tiny wardrobe having clothes cascade me and im blind, touch of the fabric are my only sight
and i feel like im far away
not here
anywhere but here and i feel fine, i vent i let myself fall venerable for that one moment
then back to reality
its like it never happened
back to a smile and jolly old me
but inside im still sad
its still ties my down andd sinks me
i guess im just good at hiding it
and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something
woah
i wrote this whole blog post about how lonely i am how much i feel like i am a fucked up person no one understands but yeah im not posting it ahahhaha what am i doing with my life lol
Baby its cold outside
well i havent posted in a while
and im in the mood today so LEGO!
it is currently the holidays and i have not started studying at all and i am fucked
the past two days i was at the snows which was pretty kick ass
the sled is so fun but i suck at it
a large amount of snow its my face and it is freezing
yet so surprisingly hot!
i swear i was wearing layers like a maniac!
i had a singlet, 2 long sleeve shirts, jumper kinda thing then a denim top not to mention a massive snow jacket type thing and i was cold (in the morning)
THEN WE GOT TO THE SNOWS, EVERYTHING WAS REMOVED
all i wore was a singlet and the snow jacket
it was so hot trying to go up hill to sled
i swear bring gloves!
gloves are essential
if you dont have it you wont have fun AT ALL
its horrible the snow it painfully cold
it feels like frost bite
i suck at sledding and every time i am down my face is covered in snow and its just omfg pain pain pain
but icicles go in my hair and it looks kinda awesome
listen to them!
they are nowhere near rocky
they are more 50's vibe
very retro yeah ahahah i listen to epic songs dont i??
i was also listen to my phone in repeat
and one pick up line kinda thing would work for me
if a guys was hanging out by a record player and i got up and asked for his name
and if he replies "That dont matter cause its all the same"
and i say "can i take you home, were we can be alone?"
then we both smile and sing "I LOVE ROCK N ROLL" by Joan Jett
love that song i swear i am never gonna meet someone like that but its nice enough to dream isnt it?
oh and if you think its slutty for me to say "can i take you home..alone" its the lyrics of the song
LOL just saying good song good song :)
a cute date would be to go karaoke, first song i would wanna sing is "baby its cold outside"such a cute song i swear my future man (or woman whatever you never know) i would sing everything our life would be a really weird musical lol i am so long ahhaha what am i typing i cant stop typing i wonder hoe long ill keep this up, i man listening to baby its cold outside right now, what song would youlose your virginity to? i would go for lets stay together (the song i suggested) man i just i cant even luke is such a babe i was to makeout with him and touch him inappropriately hes so hot, my dream guy (looks wise i dont know what his personality is like but he seems pretty cool due to facebook stalking but yeah he seems funny and sexy and omfg knee high boots, i just had an orgasm and that white shirt and it was lifted up for a second i almost dies i was giggling like crazy and he has a beard and i love hairy chest is that weird? its so manly and not many guys are able too but omfg luke i just i cant even his voice and his face and his body i love skinny guys not skinny skinny but like average if you know what i mean i dont like muscly guys i lie sid from skins body its pretty sweet omfg and luke is tall, luke luke luke i just was to lick his gorgeous face let me love you have my body right now, now, now ahahha sexy sexy anyway i should close bracket now, wow that took a long time lol anyway bye) i like brunettes blondes are not for me but i dont mind
i saw a cute guy at maccas, a lot actually like 4 great options
this one guy omfg stripped jumper and TALL AS FUCK
great back, great ass, great face, i mean his face was just amazing
anyway enough of the ovary bursting
now for my quote...
I Put the Laughter in Manslaughter
and im in the mood today so LEGO!
it is currently the holidays and i have not started studying at all and i am fucked
the past two days i was at the snows which was pretty kick ass
the sled is so fun but i suck at it
a large amount of snow its my face and it is freezing
yet so surprisingly hot!
i swear i was wearing layers like a maniac!
i had a singlet, 2 long sleeve shirts, jumper kinda thing then a denim top not to mention a massive snow jacket type thing and i was cold (in the morning)
THEN WE GOT TO THE SNOWS, EVERYTHING WAS REMOVED
all i wore was a singlet and the snow jacket
it was so hot trying to go up hill to sled
i swear bring gloves!
gloves are essential
if you dont have it you wont have fun AT ALL
its horrible the snow it painfully cold
it feels like frost bite
i suck at sledding and every time i am down my face is covered in snow and its just omfg pain pain pain
but icicles go in my hair and it looks kinda awesome
the worst part was the drive
so bad
bad
bad
like 6 hours in a car and i get car sick
but to keep my company i was on my phone for a long time
to INNUENDIS BOOTIES KIKIKIKIK
lmao!!
can i just say (if you guys are reading this which i bet you wont) you guys kick ass ahahahah
i dont have anything else to say about the snow i guess thats all it was :\
wwhattt elseee has been going on in my life??
snezanas birthday was EPIC
and OH YEA
this was a while back but the sex (drama group)
were rehearsing and thinking up roles
then we got hungry
then we went to cookshill
then the best thing ever
WEDDING DRESS SHOPPING
WE HAVE TO DO IT AGAAIINNN
well yeah thats my life in a nutshell so far
----disturbing info------
one more success, got my period....
havent had it in 3 months which freaked me out
i mean ive been menstruating for 5 years now and its still irregular
i told my family friend about it and she said i must still be growing
WOOO I MIGHT GET TALLER
and i was telling her about how insecure i was about my thighs
and she was like but you have a nice ass
i am a little more confidant now
ok enough about my female body
and uh
---disturbing info over-------
yeah
KIK is cool and stuff and we just skype and shit
OK IVE GOT SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT
my top 3 song list that are on repeat!
1. AMORE AMORE - ANDY RUSSELL
2. SON OF A PREACHER MAN - DUSTY SPRINGFIELD
3. LETS STAY TOGETHER - AL GREEN
listen to them!
they are nowhere near rocky
they are more 50's vibe
very retro yeah ahahah i listen to epic songs dont i??
i was also listen to my phone in repeat
and one pick up line kinda thing would work for me
if a guys was hanging out by a record player and i got up and asked for his name
and if he replies "That dont matter cause its all the same"
and i say "can i take you home, were we can be alone?"
then we both smile and sing "I LOVE ROCK N ROLL" by Joan Jett
love that song i swear i am never gonna meet someone like that but its nice enough to dream isnt it?
oh and if you think its slutty for me to say "can i take you home..alone" its the lyrics of the song
LOL just saying good song good song :)
a cute date would be to go karaoke, first song i would wanna sing is "baby its cold outside"such a cute song i swear my future man (or woman whatever you never know) i would sing everything our life would be a really weird musical lol i am so long ahhaha what am i typing i cant stop typing i wonder hoe long ill keep this up, i man listening to baby its cold outside right now, what song would youlose your virginity to? i would go for lets stay together (the song i suggested) man i just i cant even luke is such a babe i was to makeout with him and touch him inappropriately hes so hot, my dream guy (looks wise i dont know what his personality is like but he seems pretty cool due to facebook stalking but yeah he seems funny and sexy and omfg knee high boots, i just had an orgasm and that white shirt and it was lifted up for a second i almost dies i was giggling like crazy and he has a beard and i love hairy chest is that weird? its so manly and not many guys are able too but omfg luke i just i cant even his voice and his face and his body i love skinny guys not skinny skinny but like average if you know what i mean i dont like muscly guys i lie sid from skins body its pretty sweet omfg and luke is tall, luke luke luke i just was to lick his gorgeous face let me love you have my body right now, now, now ahahha sexy sexy anyway i should close bracket now, wow that took a long time lol anyway bye) i like brunettes blondes are not for me but i dont mind
i saw a cute guy at maccas, a lot actually like 4 great options
this one guy omfg stripped jumper and TALL AS FUCK
great back, great ass, great face, i mean his face was just amazing
anyway enough of the ovary bursting
now for my quote...
I Put the Laughter in Manslaughter
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