sometimes when I am super super bored I go through my old Tumblr posts (typing in page/5000) and it sends me back to 2017!! and this was a hilarious post i laughed pretty hard when i saw it
any who i am depressed again - but i am also trying to post more often this year.
I am currently listening to nude by radio head
- i totally forgot about this song until i watched the skins promo videos (which are so damn good)
season 1
season 2
season 3
also this vine x skins vid kills me
I feel so dumb/toxic or im baby when i watch shows like skins or listen to lana del rey cause it makes me want to be drugged up and party and be a slut
i dont know sometimes i get scared that i will resent andrew for not having a slut phase - i do wish i have one sometimes, but when andrew does cute shit for me like give me cuddles and kisses im like - nothing compares.
i guess some things in life you will never know
this post is gonna be about bobs and how much i miss him - i didnt realise how much i missed him until maybe a month ago and now i think about him everyday- all the jokes we used to make, music we listened to and movies we watched.
i saw a snap or collin and jess hanging out just as best friends and i was like wow i havent been able to sit with bobs and talk shit and put on make up for almost a year and it made me really emotional
it made me more emotional listening to atl-j (Taro/Hunger of the pine/Every other freckle/ matilda) and i realised that I dont have any other friends that i can enjoy that with.
man i need more artsy friends.
What makes me feel more isolated is that I dont have any other friends that can fill that void (except for one coworker but he has a gf so i dont want it to be weird)
Like i just keep remembering how we said that we were each others soul mates, and now that he is on the other side of the world i really do feel like a piece of my soul is missing.
sometimes i find myself hanging with the group and i just feel like something is missing,
its bobs cheering me on from the side lines and reading my mind
it really really sucks when your soul mate that you really speak another language is gone-
I love andrew but he isnt my soul mate, he loves me- but he doesnt GET me if you know what i mean. like he doesnt get why i do the things that i do and why certain things make me feel~~
i dont knw- sometimes im like - i want a creative friend but i dont know where to find them ... where do i start? and how do i find someone who isnt a phony???
idk
---
i love my job, but i feel like the reputation you need is restricting me (??)
i especially love my coworkers, its nice to actually be around young HIP people who like to laugh and not take life too seriously .. but the politics is starting to get in the way
this year i wanna start saying NO more and this quote really really resonated with me
I am stuck with people i DO NOT LIKE and i am trying to say no to them the but retail me it really getting in the way. I have added this quote to my vision board- but that is for another post
right now this is about me being sad and bored
i dont find things stimulating anymore
especially music, i am listening to some music i used to listen to in high school and i actually really miss music with guitars (?) like i never really noticed how unconventional rock or even pop rock is nowadays??
ok wait hear me out
I have been watching there "remember (enter year)" videos - i watched from 2000-2018 really and i noticed a huge raise in rnb and electronic music
and it made me think - wow we dont really get bands anymore
for the class of 2012- next year is our 10 year reunion can you believe !!
also this one reminds me of my childhood
ok bye ill talk to youse s00n
all time favs song 4 emotional upheaval
-chamber of reflection - mac demarco
- 505 - arctic monkeys
-most beautiful girl in the room - flight of the concords
I am meant to be doing reports and I have been doing nothing for the last 2 days. I can find the energy to do ANYTHING. I am depressed and tired and I just want the term to end.
I havent felt inspired for a very long time and I feel like I am about to explode
I love my job sometimes but i also really hate it
there is a really terrible imbalance at this school
some people work their arses off and some do the bare minimum and live off of people who work so hard
I dont mind doing this work but please give me time to do it and let me do it with competent people
I dont know - i feel tired all the time and I am fucking sick of the drama at work.
I
DO
NOT
WANT
TO
BE
AROUND
PEOPLE
WHO
HATE
THEIR
LIVES
OR
ARE ANGRY
look i dont know but bro good vibes only. i feel like I cant have honest conversations with people. I feelsooooo full - like I am over pouring. I am really struggling to keep my head on. I have so many things to do and I am doing a lot of favours for people
last year i wouldve been so happy and excited to be doing the things that I am doing - but if it is a one off thing. Not a 3 times a week on top of teaching and on top of admin stuff.
I can handle the ordinary stuff - what i CAN NOT HANDLE is people making my fucking life harder
I love the attention and the validation but its getting to the point where I cant do what i said i can do and i am disappointing people
I am just so tired
I just want to teach
I want to see my students
I wanna sit in a room with them and talk to them and show they literature that I love
I am sick of making casual work and doing other shit that I don't get thanked for
i am sick of working so hard and having people fucking USE ME FOR A FUCKING RIDE
not only are they using me ANDDD using my name - they arent even saying that i am doing all the fukcngidzngonlgj eodib WORK
I dont know i am getting real sick and tired of running the show and having other people it was them
then they give me a half smile
a half thanks
a half apology
bro can i just get my reports done
i just want
i. want. time.
i want to hang out with my friends
i want to have a godDAMN FUCKING SINCERE CONVERSATION
i just want someone to listen to me
i dont want to listento anyone elses crap
I want to cry and cry and cry and scream and shout
and i get so mad because i feel like people OUTSIDE of work also dont understand the fucking hardships I have to go through, all the goddamn work i do.
I dont know
i just want to be appreciated !
thanks for listening to my rant
pleaase ask me how i am LOL
side note
I miss u bobs, I wish i had more friends who loved art as much as I did
i wish i had friends who liked my music and tv shows
I want to talk about cool shows and chill music and i want to hang with people who dress in hipster clothes and go to museums and have an outer body experience when looking at a piece of artwork for too long
