alarm!!

its happening Again!

the anxiety! i dont know what to write to calm down but i know its here! i woke up at like 5:30 and i kept tossing and turning not being able to sleep

the stress is getting to me, i feel breathless

i feel this hotness on my shoulder

i feel sweaty

like i cant swallow!

its happening again!

i REALLY dont think teaching is for me then if my body goes into panic attacks whenever i wake up

i am having a really bad week

i feel like im gonna throw up!

writing this down is only making me feel worse so im gonna stop

do it for the uk

do it for the uk

do it for the degree

do it for mum and dad

for mum and dad

for me do it for me

it has been 4 years dont waste it!

everything is fine

you learn on the job

you are fine

everything is fine ok

you are smart

you are going to change lives

you CAN DO THIS

EVERYONG BELIEVES IN YOU!

thoughts

i need to catch up to blogging 3 times a week


i was re reading my diary- ignoring some extracts bcuz noty


and i finally realised that i do feel 21

i dont know whether or not its because i am surrounded by 14 15 16 17 18 year olds- but yet i am 21.
For a long time i felt like i was 18 or 19 but that was 3 years ago- and i am not the woman i was 3 years ago. no where near

prac has been interesting, its not even the first week yet and i am already tired asf

i am slowly making friends- it makes the experience easier

friends make everything easier.

i think i need to see a shrink- i am way too insecure with myself AND OMG MY SPOTIFY JUST PLAYED FOREVER BY CHRIS BROWN AND NOW I FEEL 14

Lets move on to general interests

songs im really into now are 

i have tried for so long to like this song but just COULDNT

but after seeing this video of this lady dancing for her husband on their wedding day i just thought that it was so cute and i find that chorus soooo catchy! 

IGNORE THE VIDEO PLS ITS REALLY DOUCHEY

i started to listen to xxyyxx around 2014? 2013? i remember not being able to see their gig and i was really into his sound cloud so i downloaded his albums and this song really caught me

after a few years ago i forgot about it and then i was looking up "consideration" by rihanna and SZA

and THEN i looked SZA up and one of her hit songs "childs play" w/ chance the rapper had "about you" as the backing! i was like damn i hate her version of it haha but i got back into it

i listened to the song during a really fragile time, i was crying and it just let everything out, i intensely cried and then i just lay there in my bed listening to it. i cant explain how i felt. it was like cathartic? yep. thatll be the word

after that it calmedddddd me down 

i put it on repeat and fell asleep around 2:40 is my fav part

legit you know that cry when you get crying hickups?

that part just shut me up and everything around me froze

i hope you guys all understand that feeling.

a few days later something happened and i was crying again

i went straight for this song.

its my calm down song

OK MOVING ON

a great series to watch is 

Model Mother Tongue 

its where gorgeous women speak in their language

these are my favourite - very well directed and edited

i felt like it was so successful because the women look so good and know how to use their bodies

ranked them from my fav

baby me like yuh

the australian on is not that great

OK! cool bye one- one last video

im not ready

the past three days i have been an unsafe driver

thursday - i was drunk
friday - my eyes were so swollen and full of tears i can barely see the road
saturday - not really, but kinda munted

so i googled how to get over a break up, and it said write 5 strengths that you have a 3 weaknesses

5. I am sentimental/ caring
4. I am good at making at talking to people/ I am bubbly
3. I am funny
2. I am good and understanding concepts
1. I am passionate


3. I am Lazy
2. I am very angry
1. I talk too much


the whole self love thing is really important to me right now

thanks kylie