This is going to be a longgg post with 300+ photos so brace yourself hahaha
Who I want to be
I am currently listening to
avoid
every year I watch this one video by Rachel Nguyen
I usually watch it within the first week of the new year and before the new year. I feel like I am a very hopeful person, a realist but hopeful
this year- well really, last year, the last few months have really REALLY burnt me out,
i wanted to write a post called a love letter to lock down during the lock down and when i was working from home but i just didnt - and now i regret it.
I really found myself during that time, remembered who I was, I loved being alone with myself again, but when i got back to work, everything came back and in a crazy crash of an unstoppable wave,
it was like all the self growth i had was drowned away and i was left alone in the middle of the water, trying, just trying to hard to keep my head above water
I hate work, i really do - again not the students but... the anxiety, the comparing, the people. I cant stand the people and their dog eat dog mentality
I threw myself into the game and now i want out but its tooooo late.
I hate disappointing people - but what about peopke i dont like
i feel like im being bullied into a corner
and no one put baby in the corner
joke idk i have been trying to avoid people, anyone
i want to be alone, but now i am avoiding myself, who i am
i have just been playing animal crossing non-stop and i know ive been running away from. who i am and who i want to be or who i need to be?
I want to be on top of work- i am very behind
i want to leave, i cant stand this schedule
i cant stand all of this
god there are so many things ti need to do and every day/ night i ell myself tomorrow i am going to do it and then i dont, i put myself in this cycle of animal crossing
i hate it, it makes me sick, blind and stuffy
i need to stop, but i hate myself too much to stop. so i guess now, i need to watch that video :/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVMjy36dOkk